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Writing That Works, 3e_ How to Communicate Effectively in Business - Kenneth Roman [8]

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words and eleven syllables is now twenty-four words with thirty-nine syllables, heavy reading, and sounds pompous.

Most Americans are taught that the written language and the spoken language are entirely different. They learn to write in a stiff, formal style and to steer clear of anything that sounds natural and colloquial.

Stiff Natural

The reasons are fourfold There are four reasons

Importantly The important point is

Visitation Visit

Notice how often somebody will say “It sounds just like her” in praise of some particularly effective writing. What you write should sound just like you talking when you’re at your best — when your ideas flow swiftly and in good order, when your syntax is smooth, your vocabulary accurate, and afterward you think that you couldn’t possibly have put things any better than you did.

A first step in achieving that effect is to use only those words and phrases and sentences that you might actually say to your reader if you were face-to-face. If you wouldn’t say it, if it doesn’t sound like you, why write it? (Some people, we’ve noted elsewhere, write the way they talk, but their talk has become impenetrable. They can safely ignore this section.)

The tone of your writing will vary as your readers vary. You would speak more formally meeting the President of the United States for the first time than to your uncle Max. For the same reason, a letter to the President would naturally be more formal than a letter to a relative. But it should still sound like you.

11. Strike out words you don’t need


The song goes, “Softly, as in a morning sunrise” — and Ring Lardner explained that this was as opposed to a late afternoon or evening sunrise. Poetic license may be granted for a song, but not for expressions like those on the next page.

Don’t write Write

Advance plan Plan

Take action Act

Equally as Equally

Hold a meeting Meet

Study in depth Study

New innovations Innovations

Consensus of opinion Consensus

At this point in time Now

Until such time as Until

In the majority of instances In most cases, usually

On a local basis Locally

Basically unaware of Did not know

The overall plan The plan

In the area of Roughly

With regard to About

In view of, on the basis of Because

In the event of If

For the purpose of, in order to To

Despite the fact that Although

Inasmuch as Since

12. Use current standard English


Some years ago, a copywriter wrote this sentence in a draft of an advertisement to persuade more people to read the New York Times.

He always acted like he knew what he was talking about.

Musing over the use of “like” in place of “as though” or “as if,” someone at the Times said: “Yes, I guess that use of ‘like’ will become standard in ten years or twenty, but I don’t think the New York Times should pioneer in these matters.”

The pioneers have multiplied since this book first came out, but we’d advise you on principle to be among the last to join them. New usage offends many ears; established usage offends nobody. Had the copywriter written, “He always acted as if he knew what he was talking about,” it would have seemed both natural and literate.

The old rule is simple: Don’t use “like” in any case where “as if” or “as though” would fit comfortably.

Nothing will call your literacy into question so promptly as using “I” for “me,” or “she” for “her.” Many people, though they have degrees from reputable colleges, make this illiterate mistake: “He asked both Helen and I to go to the convention.” Try the pronoun alone. You would never write, “He asked I to go to the convention.”

13. Don’t write like a lawyer or a bureaucrat


Lawyers say that they have to write to each other in language like this.

BLANK Corporation, a corporation organized under the laws of the State of New South Wales, wishes to permit holders of its Ordinary Shares who are resident in or nationals of the United States, its territories or possessions (“U.S. Holders”) to participate in the Dividend Reinvestment Plan (the “DRP”) on essentially the same terms as those available to

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