Yesterday, I Cried_ Celebrating the Lessons of Living and Loving - Iyanla Vanzant [45]
When they moved to Aunt Nadine’s, the silence between Rhonda and her brother turned to distance. They still ate every meal together. They still walked to and attended the same school together. Ray would protect his sister when the kids at school were teasing or chasing her. He would walk behind her and in front of the gang of boys or girls, daring them to touch Rhonda. They never did.
But at home, something was different. Ray had begun to physically push Rhonda away whenever she came near him. He had started calling her names like “fatty” and “blackie.” When Rhonda’s hair started to fall out, Ray seemed to get a big kick out of calling her “wiggy” and “baldy,” just like the kids in school. Rhonda knew he was just teasing her, but it was disturbing that her brother, who once had nothing to say, now had so many mean things to say.
The worst thing he called her was “ugly.” Ray told Rhonda that she was ugly to the point of being “oogly,” which he said was a cross between ugly and a disaster waiting to happen. Ray was her older brother, whom she loved. And she believed him.
Rhonda began spending a great deal of time in the bathroom, sitting on the edge of the sink, and eyeing her ugliness in the mirror. She would pinch her nose, tuck in her lips, and pretend she was pretty like the women she had seen on television. She was particularly fond of the character Penny on Sky King. After her hair started falling out, Rhonda would bobby-pin yellow or red knee socks to her hair, pretending they were pigtails like Penny’s. She would twist her head back and forth so that the socks would swing across her face. In the mirror, Rhonda didn’t look so bad, but according to Ray, most ugly people didn’t know they were ugly. Rhonda believed that, too, until the day the woman showed up in the mirror.
Rhonda was sitting on the edge of the sink, just staring at herself, wondering what it would be like to be beautiful. Suddenly, as if she had come through the door, there was the image of a beautiful woman in the mirror. Rhonda couldn’t move. She stared at the woman, who was smiling at her. She seemed to walk right up behind Rhonda until their faces were side by side in the mirror. Watching intently, Rhonda wanted to speak. She could not, but the woman did.
“Your beauty is on the inside,” the woman said, and smiled. “Look inside for your beauty.” The words were melodic and seemed to linger in the air after the woman had spoken them. Suddenly, there was a banging on the bathroom door. Startled, Rhonda jumped, her foot slipped, and she went tumbling onto the hard, cold bathroom floor, bumping her head and mouth on the cold toilet on the way down.
“What are you doing in there?” It was Ray. He needed to use the bathroom. Rhonda quickly scrambled back to her feet and hoisted herself back on the edge of the sink. But the woman was gone. The only image in the mirror was Rhonda’s “ugly” face that was now swollen and bruised.
Every now and then, Ray was good for a laugh. He would either do something or say something that would be totally hysterical.
Aunt Nadine and Uncle Leroy, like everyone else, seemed to like Ray more than Rhonda. He was a lot less trouble, and when he got in trouble with either one of them, he went to his room, not to be heard from for hours, sometimes days. Aunt Nadine and Ray tangled only once, but it was an encounter that Rhonda would never forget. Aunt Nadine was not in a good mood. You could tell by the way she was slamming things around the house. Ray obviously hadn’t noticed, nor had he learned that when some adult is in a bad mood, you stay away from them. Rhonda knew a lot about grown-ups being in bad moods. Ray was about to learn.
Ray asked Aunt Nadine if he could go to the park. She said no. Then he asked if he could go around the corner to his friend