Yesterday, I Cried_ Celebrating the Lessons of Living and Loving - Iyanla Vanzant [58]
Things were not going so well for Nett. She was working two jobs, trying to make ends meet. But the ends were not connecting, were, in fact, miles apart. Each payday, Nett had to decide whether they’d have food in the house, a telephone, or have the lights on. There was never enough money to pay for the necessities, let alone little extras for herself, Ray, or Rhonda. Rhonda never complained, though she wanted so many of the things that her friends had. She understood that Nett was doing the best she could for them and seldom asked Nett for anything that cost money. Rhonda would faithfully wash and wear her two skirts and two blouses, week in and week out. Nett would sit at the kitchen table late at night, eating her warmed-over dinner and watching Rhonda iron her clothes, carefully avoiding the spots that were threadbare or shiny from being ironed so often. Sometimes, Nett would get angry and pick a fight with Rhonda. She’d interrogate her about her whereabouts that day and ask her who she was taking such care ironing for. Other times, Nett would push her plate aside and put her head down on the table. When Rhonda asked her what was wrong, Nett would just say she was tired, but Rhonda knew she was hiding her tears. No matter how hard she tried, no matter how she skimped on her own needs, Nett rarely had two nickels to rub together.
To make matters worse, Nett had found out that Daddy was spending his money on another woman. Nett, who had always prided herself on her looks, could no longer afford nail polish or expensive perfume or trips to the beauty parlor to get her hair done. Nett, who had given up so much just for the reflection of love she saw in Daddy’s eyes, was at first uncontrollably angry then sullen and depressed when she smelled the perfume she could no longer afford on one of Daddy’s shirts. The thought of him impressing some brazen hussy in Mr. Rootman’s bar with the money she and his own children so desperately needed and deserved sent Nett over the edge.
Ray, like Daddy, was seldom home, and Rhonda usually took the brunt of Nett’s erratic and moody behavior. Rhonda did her best to stay out of Nett’s path, but the slightest infringement would bring Nett’s misplaced wrath down on her head. If Rhonda’s chores weren’t done on time or done properly, Nett would go into a rage and deny whatever minor privileges Rhonda had. Most nights, Nett came home tired, defeated, and mad at the world. If she was more tired and defeated than mad, she’d eat her meager dinner and go right to bed. If anger prevailed, she’d burst into Rhonda’s room, accuse her of sleeping around with some unnamed boy, and threaten to kick her out of the house if she ever got pregnant again.
The physical and emotional space between Rhonda and Nett grew wider each day. They denied each other the love, compassion, and understanding that they both yearned for. Rhonda felt that she was losing Nett’s love and that she would never regain Nett’s trust. But the money problems and the problems with Daddy were not her fault. She was doing her best not to ask Nett for anything, and Nett didn’t even seem to realize that Rhonda wanted nice things too. She wanted new clothes, new shoes, a few dollars now and then for the movies or romance magazines.
Nett came home in a particularly bad mood one night and found Rhonda in her