Yesterday, I Cried_ Celebrating the Lessons of Living and Loving - Iyanla Vanzant [76]
Rhonda turned her attention to the young woman, who had now taken a seat. She had been twisting and turning in her chair like a spectator at a tennis match, trying to follow the words that Rhonda and John were volleying between them. Rhonda spoke to her in a soothing voice.
“What could a man say to you that would make you think it was all right to take him in with a six-week-old baby?”
The woman squirmed in her seat. She looked at Rhonda, then at John. She wasn’t sure if she should respond. When Rhonda repeated the question, one word at a time, the woman blurted out an answer.
“He told me you left him. We have been together for almost six months. I have a son, too! I know how to take care of a baby. I love John.” Rhonda ignored what the woman had said.
“How old are you?” Rhonda asked her.
“Twenty-one,” she answered proudly.
“Thank you,” Rhonda said. “The baby looks clean and very well cared for.”
John told Rhonda he was leaving her and taking the baby with him. Rhonda kept kissing Nisa’s face. Lots of kisses. Lots of kisses. Babies need lots of kisses.
When Rhonda stood up with the baby in her arms, everyone else in the room stood up, too. They seemed to be positioning themselves for attack in the event she started toward the door. She didn’t. Instead, she walked over to John and placed the baby in his arms.
“I’m going now. I’m going home to clean up a little bit. I should be finished by seven. By eight o’clock tonight, I expect to have my baby home in her bed.” She kissed the baby one last time, turned, and walked out the door. Before she knew it, she was back at home. It was 2:30 in the afternoon.
Lady greeted her at the door, obviously feeling a lot better now that she’d eaten. There were piles of dog crap in every room. Rhonda dug around in the boxes and found her rubber gloves and cleaning supplies. On her hands and knees, she cleaned up crap and prayed. She cleaned and sang, “Ain’t gonna let nobody turn me around.” As she put fresh sheets on her bed, which was the mattress on the floor, she heard the voice again. Be still and know! She did know, she really did.
Mothers are very important to children. They provide the lifeblood, the mind energy, and the “soul food” that every child needs in order to flourish. Fathers show us how to survive. Mothers teach us how to blossom and flourish. The mother must teach, nurture, guide, and provide the spiritual support system that the soul requires to unfold. When a child does not have a mother, some portion of the mind, the soul, and the life of the child remains in a constant state of yearning and want. What the child wants is to be fed and loved in a way that only a mother can love. Only a mother can bring forth the grace, mercy, beauty, and gentleness of the spirit. The spirit of God. The spirit of mothering energy is present in every woman. Whether she knows it or not, a woman is a mother, simply by virtue of the fact that she is a woman. Some fathers are able to mother. Others, like Rhonda’s, are not.
When a woman does not know she is a mother, or how to mother, the children around her become lost. She is not sensitive to them or their needs. Her words are spoken harshly. Her actions are abrupt and abrasive. She is authoritarian. She knows the rules of mothering but not the grace. The grace of the mother’s love will break the rules, when it is necessary, in order to nourish a child. In the face of an authoritarian mother, a child’s growth is stunted. When a child has an unfolded heart, it is too difficult, too painful for her to express how she feels,