You Deserve Nothing - Alexander Maksik [32]
“Gentle,” I whispered, and pushed my two middle fingers deep into her cunt. She exhaled fast and made the same, rough moan. “Oh my God,” she said quietly. “Fuck.”
I pushed deeper and pressed my palm against her clit. I held her like that, barely moving. “I can’t stand anymore,” she said. “I want to go up.”
“Take off your clothes,” I said.
She stood in front of me, pulled her t-shirt over her head, reached behind her and unfastened the clasp of her bra.
“You’re beautiful,” I told her.
“Take off your clothes,” she told me.
I pulled my shirt over my head as she unzipped her skirt. She stood in her panties, looking at me. I paused. “Go on,” she said, smiling. “Shy?”
I unbuttoned my jeans and stepped out of them. She looked at my body. “All.”
I slid my underwear down and stood in front of her naked.
“You.”
She left hers on the floor. I walked to her.
“Up,” I whispered, moving her toward the ladder to my bed. I stayed close to her as we climbed, as she stepped tentatively upwards. I’d left the window open and the air was cold. We slid into bed together with her back to me. I wrapped my arms around her warm body, she sighed a long slow sigh. In that moment I felt the tremendous physical relief of finding someone there with me, the sense that something missing had been returned.
I kept her close to me, smelling her hair, stroking her skin. She gave in completely. Softened. And for a while we were still. There was street-noise outside, bursts of laughter, glasses breaking in the café below. I felt her back expanding against my chest. We were still until she reached between my legs and fitted the head of my cock inside her. I moved slow until I was deep, until I could feel her so warm, impossibly soft, so tight around me.
“Oh my God,” she said. “Oui, c’est bien ça.”
Outside there was more noise. A crash. Crying. Breaking glass. Silence. Then laughter in the café again.
“What was that?” she whispered.
“Friday night. Who knows? Marie, I’m going to put on a condom.”
“Yes, Jesus, I forgot. Hurry up.”
I slid into her gently. Now she was on her back and kept a hand on her belly and as I slid deeper she said, “Gentle.”
I began to move. She clawed at me. When I stopped she told me not to. “Please,” she said, “don’t stop, please,” and pulled me down so that my chest was against hers.
She said, “I want to hear you come.”
“So soon? What about you?”
“I’ve never,” she told me.
“Please,” she said. “Come loud.”
As I moved faster and faster she dug her nails hard into my skin. She bit my shoulder. She moaned her strange low moan, louder and louder. “Please,” she said again and again, “come for me.” When I cried out she said, “Yes, yes,” and caressed the back of my head, so slow.
That tenderness surprised me. I was grateful for it. Then I wished the whole thing hadn’t happened. And I knew it would again.
* * *
I was standing at the top of my stairwell shirtless in a pair of jeans when she kissed me good-bye. Then she was the brave girl. Tough with her purse, and a new coat of lip-gloss.
“Goodnight,” I said.
“Goodnight,” she smiled, and shook her head. “This is crazy. O.K., I have to go. Bye, Mr. Silver. I’m leaving now.”
She closed the door and I stood in the center of the room, in the dark, in the blowing wind, listening to her footsteps fading as she descended the stairs, and when I couldn’t hear her any longer I walked to the open window.
There were a few people left sitting at tables in the yellow light of Bar du Marché. Marie came out onto the street, passed in front of the café and walked fast toward boulevard St. Germain.
It was nearly dawn and she was alone. I could hear her shoes clicking against the pavement. I wondered where she was going and how she’d get there. I hadn