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MAD PLANS AND GREAT HISTORICAL DISASTERS

EDITED BY BILL FAWCETT AND BRIAN M. THOMSEN

Contents

INTRODUCTION

YOU KIDNAPPED WHOM?

TROY, THE BRONZE AGE

YOU INSULTED WHOM?

BRITAIN, A.D. 43

YOU INVITED WHOM?

ROME, A.D. 300

YOUR SON DID WHAT?

ENGLAND, TWELFTH CENTURY

YOU ARRESTED WHOM?

ROME, A.D. 1244

YOU ARMED WHOM?

HUNGARY, 1514

YOU CHOSE WHOM TO BE THE WHAT?

ENGLAND, 1535

YOU BOUGHT WHAT?

NETHERLANDS, 1636

YOU SENT WHOM, GOVERNOR?

AMERICA, 1753–1754

YOU LOST YOUR HEAD

PARIS, 1794

YOU ARE SHOCKING

EUROPE, 1796

YOU MARRIED WHOM?

GERMANY, 1858

YOU SHOT WHOM?

WEEHAWKEN, NEW JERSEY, 1804

YOU INVADED WHERE?

RUSSIA, 1812

YOU GAVE COMMAND TO WHOM?

WATERLOO, 1815

YOU WORE WHAT?

WASHINGTON, D.C., 1840

YOU SET LOOSE WHAT?

AUSTRALIA, 1859

YOU LOST WHAT?

ANTIETAM, 1862

YOU TAUGHT THEM WHAT?

KANSAS AND MISSOURI, 1863

YOU SENT THEM OUT IN WHAT?

OFF THE CONFEDERATE COASTLINE, 1864

YOU’RE BUILDING WHAT, WHERE?

PANAMA, 1881

YOU PUT HIM IN CHARGE OF WHAT?

WASHINGTON, 1896

YOU HIT WHAT?

THE MID-ATLANTIC, 1912

YOU DEMAND WHAT?

AUTHORS, EVERYWHERE, ALL THE TIME

YOU IGNORED WHOSE WARNING?

GALVESTON, TEXAS, 1900

YOU UNLEASHED WHAT?

CHINA, 1900

YOU ALLOWED WHAT?

AUSTRALIA, 1950

YOU ARE DOING IT WHEN, HOW?

AFRICA

YOU APPOINTED WHOM?

ENGLAND, 1914

YOU TRADED WHOM?

BOSTON, 1920

YOU CREATED A WONDER DRUG?

GERMANY, 1897

YOU SOLD WHOM FOR HOW MUCH?

NEW YORK CITY, 1937

YOU’RE OUT OF TUNE

UNITED STATES, 1950 ON (AND ON, AND ON)

YOU EXECUTED ALL THE WHAT?

RUSSIA, 1937–1942

YOU BUILT IT WHERE?

NEW YORK, 1953

YOU CHOOSE WHOM?

THE VATICAN, 1958

YOU ARE RUNNING AGAINST WHOM?

CALIFORNIA, 1966

YOU QUIT WHAT SHOW?

TV LAND: FROM 1970 TO NEXT SEASON

YOU FORGED WHAT?

HOLLYWOOD, 1976

YOU SWITCHED OVER TO WHAT?

NEW YORK /OAKLAND NFL GAME, 1968

YOU BROKE IN WHERE?

WASHINGTON, D.C., 1971

YOU TAPED IT ALL?

WASHINGTON, D.C., 1974

YOU VACCINATED WHOM AGAINST WHAT?

UNITED STATES, 1976

YOU ARE RESCUING THEM HOW?

IRAN, 1979

YOU ASSASSINATED WHOM?

DONEGAL BAY, IRELAND, 1979

YOU MADE WHAT?

HOLLYWOOD, 1980S–’90S

YOU FORGOT TO ASK THEM WHAT?

UNITED STATES, 1985

SEARCHABLE TERMS

ABOUT THE EDITORS

CREDITS

COVER

COPYRIGHT

ABOUT THE PUBLISHER

Introduction

So many mistakes, so few pages…. This book should make you feel good, assuming you are not one of the powerful and famous. If you are rich and famous, get back to being important. This book is for the rest of us. It is for us to enjoy just how incredibly, amazingly, and spectacularly wrong those with great power can be. We have of course the advantage of 20/20 hindsight, though in many cases they really should have known better. One of the less publicized business-school rules of thumb is that a successful top executive is right about 45 percent of the time. The good ones pick the right 45 percent of the decisions to be right about. Makes you shudder to think what a failure’s percentage is. Hmmm, that explains a lot about the government. But in some cases one or more decisions made by those who control the fate of others, often nations, has a totally unexpected (to Mr. Important at least) and often negative result.

So here is a collection of massive gaffes, really serious stupidities, and other similar bad mistakes made by those who were supposed to know better. It is perfectly acceptable to feel a bit superior to them as you read these pages. Being typical (read marginally impoverished and definitely not important) authors, those of us writing for this book share that feeling of second-guessed superiority, or at least share the amusement we all enjoy when someone important does a pratfall.

There were just as many really horrible decisions not covered in this book. For example, Louis XVI’s decision to support the revolt of the British Colonies in America. This worked out well for what soon became