You Might Be a Zombie and Other Bad News - Writers of Cracked dot Com [10]
4. GEORGE HARRISON’S GUITAR DIDN’T WEEP ON “WHILE MY GUITAR GENTLY WEEPS”
No one’s denying George Harrison’s talent. He wrote some of the Beatles’ most famous songs while vying for album space against two of the greatest pop songwriters of all time. (If you’re too young to know who we’re referring to, go ask your parents, and be sure to tell them your upbringing was an abject failure.) But of all his accomplishments, George is probably best known for his classic cut “While My Guitar Gently Weeps,” featuring a searing and wailing guitar solo that fully realizes the promise of the song’s evocative title and that was laid down by George Harrison’s best friend, Eric Clapton, and not by Harrison.
Why didn’t you know that?
“While My Best Friend Eric Clapton’s Guitar Gently Weeps” just didn’t have the right cadence to it. The Beatles weren’t touring at the time and no one was making music videos, so it’s not like you could see George not playing the part. Also, the Beatles were never very into liner notes, which is why everyone from Clapton to Billy Preston to the old guy who repairs guitars at your town’s music shop has been called the fifth Beatle at some point.
3. JOHN F. KENNEDY DID NOT WRITE PROFILES IN COURAGE
Much of Kennedy’s presidency remains debated by modern historians. Some praise him as a president whose charisma and vision inspired a generation to public service and led the charge to the moon. Others claim that if you put him in a room with Marilyn Monroe, obscene amounts of pain medication, and a horribly planned Cuban invasion, Kennedy wouldn’t be able to decide which one to do first. But what everyone seems to agree on is that Profiles in Courage, the book Kennedy won the Pulitzer Prize for, is a damn fine read. Profiles examined the bold decisions of eight U.S. senators and brought Kennedy the national attention and respect that was instrumental in building momentum for his presidential run.
What’s not as clear is how instrumental Kennedy was in actually writing it. Although odds are good that Kennedy read the book, credible evidence indicates that Kennedy’s speechwriter, Ted Sorenson, wrote the majority of it. In 2008, Sorenson claimed in his autobiography that he “did a first draft of most chapters,” and “helped choose the words of many of its sentences.” In literary circles this is known as “writing the book.”
Why didn’t you know that?
People tend to assume you’ve written something after you’ve won a Pulitzer Prize for it. Also, Kennedy allegedly paid Sorenson more than half the book’s royalties from its first five years in print, which is probably why it took Sorenson fifty years to blow the whistle. And lastly, Kennedy was probably too busy dragging soldiers out of sinking ships with his teeth like a goddamned rescue dog and inventing a cure for headaches that nine out of ten doctors agree is a hell of a lot more fun than aspirin (see page 207).
2. BARRY MANILOW DID NOT WRITE “I WRITE THE SONGS”
Although he put together a string of pop hits in the 1970s, Barry Manilow is perhaps best known for his 1975 signature song “I Write the Songs,” which topped Billboard’s charts for two weeks and won Manilow a Grammy for Song of the Year. In it, Manilow sings:
I write the songs that make the whole world sing.
I write the songs, I write the songs.
A little misleading since those words were written by Bruce Johnston of the Beach Boys. In fact, Manilow wasn’t even the first person to cover it.
Manilow wrote a lot of his own songs, just none of the ones you’ve ever heard before. “Tryin’ to Get the Feeling Again,” “Weekend