You Might Be a Zombie and Other Bad News - Writers of Cracked dot Com [58]
4. THE GREAT MOON HOAX
When It Happened: 1835
News Agencies Involved: The New York Sun
In 1835, the New York Sun duped the people of the United States into believing that aliens had been discovered on the moon.
To its credit, it attributed this fantastic discovery to John Herschel, the best-known astronomer of his day. Herschel was the perfect cover because he was famous yet reclusive. Since telephones hadn’t been invented, it was virtually impossible for Herschel to dispute the Sun’s claims, and the ridiculous scheme worked: The Sun increased its subscriber base by over fifteen thousand daily after the first story.
Having learned a valuable lesson about deceiving its readers (specifically, hey this shit works!) the Sun announced the life that was discovered on the moon consisted of intelligent batmen. Once again, circulation increased, making the Sun the largest newspaper on the planet. The story was so thoroughly believed that a Springfield, Massachusetts, missionary society resolved to send missionaries to the moon to convert and civilize the bat-men, apparently unaware that bat-men have lost all faith since they saw their parents gunned down in that alleyway.
What it taught us about the media
The story was revealed to be a hoax several weeks after its publication, but since there was no television or radio, the news didn’t spread very far. The Sun never had to issue a retraction, and its circulation didn’t decrease as a result. Nevertheless, the media learned its lesson: Don’t tell falsehoods unless you like giant piles of money that will last forever with no repercussions.
3. MICHAEL BAY DIRECTS THE NEWS
In 1992, Dateline NBC aired an investigative report that showed unsettling videos of GM pickup trucks exploding on impact in low-speed collisions, presumably due to faulty fuel tanks . . . or wizards.
Harry Pearce, GM’s executive vice president at the time, attempted to discredit the story with a press conference that involved what legal scholars call “a shitload of evidence.” During the press conference, Pearce produced a letter NBC sent him claiming the vehicles used in the video had been “junked” and, as a result, couldn’t be inspected. Then he produced the astonishingly not-junked cars. Before the folks at Dateline could respond, “Oh, you wanted the cars we used in the footage ! We thought you said cards, and we were like, ‘huh?’ Ah, but no, the cars are fine . . . ,” Pearce was ready to move on to act 2 of Ruining NBC’s Shit: The Reckoning.
Next, he brought out a blown-up screen grab of the collision that NBC aired and zoomed in on two tiny plumes of smoke coming out of the side of the pickup truck. The problem with this was that the screen grab was taken just moments before impact. The GM pickup truck explosion that aired on the NBC program was actually caused by NBC. The producers had rigged the trucks prior to filming. There was literally a guy standing off camera pushing a button a split second before the filmed impact.
Of the five people responsible for the report, three were fired, one resigned, and one got transferred faster than a touch-y priest.
What it taught us about the media
We at Cracked.com like to think the best about people, so the only explanation is that the Dateline producers were drunk. For weeks. And GM was holding one of their daughters hostage.
2. EVERY MEDIA NETWORK IN THE COUNTRY STICKS ITS FINGERS IN IS EARS AND SHOUTS, “NAH NAH NAH, I CAN’T HEAR YOU”
When It Happened: 2009
News Agencies Involved: ABC, CBS, NBC, MSNBC, CNN, Fox
In 2008, New York Times journalist David Barstow discovered that in the run-up to the Iraq War, every single major media outlet had featured pro-war “impartial experts” who were in fact government sock puppets (metaphorically speaking, in all but the most retarded cases). The report even went on to reveal which Pentagon officials’ bony wrists were protruding from the asses of which talking heads (still metaphorically speaking . . . hopefully).
In the end, Barstow’s report revealed that when it came to the Iraq War America