Young Lonigan - James T. Farrell [372]
“Let’s not ever fight again.”
She placed her head against his shoulder, and toyed with his hand. She seemed soft, white, nice, and he was made tender by her nearness, and by the way she glanced up at him, coyly, wide-eyed. He kissed her. Her lips were feverish, and they excited him so that he roughly clutched her, clenched her firmly, and their bodies strained in an awkward embrace. Unable to check himself, he pushed her down on the couch, and pressed against her. Their excitement lapsed and they lay peacefully, side by side. Suddenly she kissed him sensuously, and his hands eagerly strayed over her dress.
“Please.”
He disregarded her words and she stifled her protest, opened her mouth when he bore against her, holding his kiss, while he ran his hand along her hot thighs beneath her dress. She became like an instrument in his hands, quivering to his touch, panting from his heedlessly indelicate pressures and nervous hands.
“You’re getting your dress all mussed,” he said in uneven breaths.
“That’s because of you, but I love you,” she said, clenching her arms around him and straining herself until she lay on her back with him above her. Her body was strong, hard. He touched her, kissed her. He thought, as if through the voice of conscience, that she would hate him, turn from him in disgust for this. But he had gone too far to stop. And then she scratched his neck, pulling his face down to kiss him. She bit his lip. Acting, as if with an inspiration, he fumbled, trying to remove her dress.
“Just a minute,” she gasped.
Studs sat beside her, humiliatingly empassioned, his hands almost trembling, and he felt that he must look like a fool to her. She sat up, smiling painfully. He sank back limply. He was thirsty, his hair was mussed, and he had lost all control of himself. Perspiration dripped under his armpits, making the hair in that spot stiff and sticky.
She arose and he felt it was goodbye. She pulled her dress over her head. He leaped to her and pulled it off. He quickly removed his coat, tie, shoes, socks, and shirt, and looked at her, partially nude in the semi-darkness. He choked with pride. She was doing this because of him, passion for him, because of his kisses, his touches, himself. She lay down wantonly, and like a grateful puppy he kissed her gently. She held him against her, and he could feel the warmth of her flesh. He tore wildly at the straps of her undergarment.
“No,” she feebly protested.
“Come on,” he muttered with hoarse impetuosity.
She sat up, and permitted him to strip her. She turned her head aside, shyly, and sat beside him, naked.
“I better save the press in my trousers,” he said seriously.
She smiled. Suddenly he was beside her, feeling ridiculous in B .V. D.’s.
“No, we can’t do that, please, please, darling,” she begged, almost frantic.
He disregarded her. She sighed, moaned in pain. Clumsy, impatient, uncontrolled, he sensed that it was all a mess. She moaned again, and he winced. And then they lay together, their bodies warm and moist, and she trembled, sobbing quietly.
Darkness was covering the room like a cloak, and he felt as if they were off alone somewhere in space or the sky, away from all the rest of the world. A kind of lassitude filled him. He remembered what had happened, the way he had so messily hurt her, and shame, like the conviction of and contrition for, sin, grew in him as the weight of sins had often grown burdensome before he would go to confession. He kissed her gently.
“Catherine,” he said huskily.
“Bill, I did this because I couldn’t help myself, because I love you, and oh, you hurt me so much,” she cried.
“Kid,” he muttered, patting her arm, sitting up, gazing down at her in a state of helplessness.
She sobbed. Her naked body again trembled. He lay back, falling into a half-doze, with her warm beside him. As if in a nightmare, he began to see himself clumsily soiling her. He opened his eyes, and felt self-disgust. He became aware that she was breathing more calmly. He buried her face against his chest.
“I’m afraid.”
She’s my woman now, he told