150 Movies You Should Die Before You See - Miller Steve [30]
PRODUCERS Greg H. Sims (executive producer) and Mark Lisson (producer)
WRITERS Bill Froehlich, Dana Escalante, Mark Lisson, and Greg H. Sims
DIRECTOR Bill Froehlich
STARS Lori Lethin (Callie Cassidy/Sarah Walker/Susan), Brendan Hughes (Steven Blake), Richard Brestoff (Arthur Lyman Kastleman), Maureen McCormick (Officer Tyler), Pepper Martin (Chief Deyner), Alex Rocco (Harry Sleerik), Scott Jacoby (Josh Forbes), Al Fann (Amos), Andy Romano (Principal Kastleman), and George Clooney (Oliver)
The cast and crew of a low-budget slasher film being shot at the high school where a series of real mutilation murders took place years ago are brutally murdered one by one when the killer returns and infiltrates the production.
Why It Sucks
The narrative threads of this low-budget spoof of slasher films are more tangled than the cocaine-fueled fever dreams of Quentin Tarantino. As the end credits start to roll, we sit and wonder if this was a movie about real killings or a movie within a movie based on real-life killers. Or … well, you get the idea.
Thumbs Down Rating:
The Crappies
The Worst Actor Award goes to … Brendan Hughes for playing about as boring a leading man as possible without actually casting Al Gore.
And the Worst Director Award goes to … Bill Froehlich for failing to keep the chaos in line. Would it have been that hard to hold a couple more script conferences?
They Really Said It!
Josh Forbes: There will be no exploding tit shot!
Betcha Didn't Know
Predator: The Concert would have been George Clooney's first movie credit, but, although filmed in 1983, that film wasn't released until 1987, shortly after Return to Horror High.
The black cloak and mask of the insane murderer in this film bears a striking resemblance to the costume of the killer in the far more successful horror spoof Scream (1996).
Trivia Quiz
What is the cheer shouted by the ghostly cheerleader in the original preview for Return to Horror High?
A: Killer to the left, killer to the right! Sit down, stand up! Fright! Fright!
Fright! B: Let's get physical, let's get mean! Let's get physical and stab them, stab them, till they scream!
C: Close that D, Dot that I, shred that E … Die! Die! Die!
D: There was no ghostly cheerleader in the preview for Return to Horror High.
Answer: A. Yes, really!
TEN FINGERS OF DEATH
(AKA “MASTER WITH CRACKED FINGERS,” “SNAKE
FIST FIGHTER,” AND “LITTLE TIGER OF CANTON”)
21st Century Film Corporation, 1971
PRODUCERS Lee Long Koan and Dick Randall
WRITER Sun Liu
DIRECTOR Mu Zhu
STARS Jackie Chan (Jackie), Siu Tien Yuen (Old Master), Casanova Wong (Big Boss), and Kwok Choi Hon (Little Frog)
Jackie (Chan) has secretly studied martial arts under the tutelage of an eccentric master (Yuen). Now, he must use his skills to defeat a vicious band of extortionists and avenge his father's death.
Why It Sucks
An unintentionally creepy scene where a dirty old man commands a little boy to take off his pants while they're alone in the dark forest … this is a high point of the movie? Yes, that's the high point! Not to mention the director's clumsy attempts to hide the fact that star Jackie Chan was not available to finish it.
Thumbs Down Rating:
The Crappies
The Worst Picture Award goes to … Lee Long Koan for failing to realize hiring a stand-in for Jackie Chan was silly.
And the Worst Director Award goes to … Mu Zhu for his total inteptitude at masking the Jackie Chan stand-in during the second half of the movie.
They Really Said It!
Jackie: You killed him. You are responsible for his death.
Betcha Didn't Know
Before this film was finished, production closed down when the producer reportedly stole the payroll and skipped town, leaving the actors and crew unpaid. After Jackie Chan became a full-blown movie star, the film was completed with footage lifted from Drunken Master. Although a few of the original actors appeared in additional scenes, Chan did not take part in the completion of the film.
The film is scored entirely with music taken from other sources, including Popeye the Sailor cartoons.
Trivia