150 Movies You Should Die Before You See - Miller Steve [31]
What was Jackie Chan's first job in show business?
A: Assistant to filmmaker Godfrey Ho.
B: Playing Gamera, the amazing flying Japanese turtle monster.
C: A member of the touring Peking Opera Company, as a member of the Seven Little Fortunes troupe.
D: Bruce Lee's stunt-double during the filming of Enter the Dragon.
Answer: C. Chan joined Seven Little Fortunes after excelling in martial arts and singing while studying at the China Drama Academy.
CHAPTR EIGHT
IT SEEMED LIKE A GOOD IDEA AT THE TIME
The films in this chapter are noteworthy for the big names and big budgets involved. They are films that should have been successful based on the track records of the people involved. But, somehow, something went terribly wrong.
1941
Universal Pictures/Columbia Pictures, 1979
PRODUCERS John Milius (executive producer), Buzz Feitshans (producer)
WRITERS Bob Gale, Robert Zemeckis (script), and Bob Gale, Robert Zemeckis, and John Milius (story)
DIRECTOR Steven Spielberg
STARS Dan Aykroyd (Sgt. Frank Tree), John Belushi (Capt. Wild Bill Kelso), Treat Williams (Cpl. Chuck “Stetch” Sitarski), Toshirô Mifune (Cmdr. Mitamura), Tim Matheson (Capt. Loomis Birkhead), Bobby Di Ciccio (Wally Stephens), Nancy Allen (Donna Stratton), Slim Pickens (Hollis “Holly” Wood), Robert Stack (Maj. Gen. Joseph W. Stilwell), Ned Beatty (Ward Douglas), Lorraine Gary (Joan Douglas), and Christopher Lee (Capt. Wolfgang von Kleinschmidt)
Shortly after the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor in 1941, an incompetent Japanese U-boat crew squares off against equally incompetent American military and civil defense forces, while downtown Los Angeles is in the grips of a jitterbug brawl.
Why It Sucks
Before popping in the DVD of this movie, put your brain in neutral and inject a couple of beers into your bloodstream. Even with those precautions, the film's two-hour running time is likely to leave you exhausted. One thing's for sure: You won't remember much of it.
Thumbs Down Rating:
The Crappies
The Worst Picture Award goes to … Producers John Milius and Buzz Fleitshans, with additional recognition to director Steven Speilberg, for their total lack of restraint.
The Best Accidental Stunt Man Award goes to … John Belushi, for a hilarious prat-fall while climbing out of a fighter plane. The slip-and-fall gag wasn't in the script, as he really did slip and fall.
They Really Said It!
Hollis “Holly” Wood: You won't get shit out of me. I've been constipated all week!
Betcha Didn't Know
This film was Steven Spielberg's first financial flop. It cost an estimated $35 million to make, but only earned a little over $31 million during its initial American theatrical run.
To my lasting regret, John Wayne turned down the role of Major-General Stilwell. He also asked that Spielberg cut all scenes featuring Stilwell, because he felt they were unpatriotic and insulting to war veterans.
Trivia Quiz
Which was not a true historical event that the scriptwriters drew from for inspiration?
A: The Zoot Suit Riots of 1943, in which Hispanic zoot-suiters and military personnel engaged in a massive brawl in Los Angeles
B: The shelling by a Japanese submarine of a refinery on the coast of California
C: The Japanese invasion of Mexico in 1942
D: A decision to place anti-aircraft guns in the front yards of private homes in Maine
Answer: C. The Japanese did not invade Mexico in 1942, but everything else on the list really happened.
BALLISTIC: ECKS VS. SEVER
Franchise Pictures/Chris Lee Productions, 2002
PRODUCERS Tarak Ben Ammar, Oliver Hengst, Tracee Stanley, and Andrew Stevens (executive producers), Kaos, Chris Lee, and Ellie Samaha (producers)
WRITER Alan McElroy
DIRECTOR Kaos
STARS Antonio Banderas (Jeremiah Ecks), Lucy Liu (Sever), Gregg Henry (Robert Gant/Clark), Ray Park (A. J. Ross), and Talisa Soto (Vinn/ Rayne)
Ex-U.S. government agents (Banderas and Liu) must overcome their tortured pasts and current animosity for each other to defeat a common enemy (Henry) who has acquired the ultimate in robotic assassination tools.
Why It Sucks
Someone