150 Movies You Should Die Before You See - Miller Steve [5]
Sheila: I'm free, I'm proud, I'm woman!
Betcha Didn't Know
Deformed fetuses (or “medical oddities,” as they are referred to in Hideous!) displayed in glass jars used to be among the most popular attractions at carnival sideshows.
Charles Band brought Dr. Lorca back in the 2010 film Demonic Toys 2: Personal Demons. Apparently, he too escaped from the acid pit. Sadly, topless Sheila is nowhere to be seen in that movie.
Trivia Quiz
What term was typically used to describe the “medical oddities” displayed in glass jars in sideshows?
A: Little Dead Things
B: Hideous Deformities
C: Pickled Punks
D: Bathed Babies
Answer: C. Pickled Punks. In the 1960s, laws finally caught up with the unsavory practices of sideshow carnies, and exhibitors of the fetuses were driven out of business.
TROLL 2
Filmirage, 1990
PRODUCERS David Hills and Brenda Norris
WRITERS Rosella Drudi and Drake Floyd
DIRECTOR Drake Floyd
STARS Michael Stephenson (Josh), Robert Ormsby (Grandpa Seth), George Hardy (Michael), Connie MacFarland (Holly), Margo Prey (Diana), Deborah Reed (Creedence Leonore Gielgud), Jason Wright (Elliot), and Darren Ewing (Arnold)
Little Josh (Stephenson) and the ghost of his dead grandpa (Ormsby) are the only two who know the hideous secret of the tiny town where Josh's family is spending their vacation. Can Josh convince the adults (Hardy and Prey) and his older sister (Mac-Farland) of the truth before they become goblin chow?
Why It Sucks
This flick displays every shade of bad you can think of. The pacing is erratic and always off, racing through parts that could have used a little more time (like the final fight against the goblins) and dragging through parts that should have been quick (like shopping trips). Parts that were supposed to be scary are hilarious (the flesh-eating goblins are vegetarians), and the parts that were supposed to be funny or dramatic are just strange. Oh, and the “clever” parts are just stupid. (Nilbog, the town where the family is vacationing, is “goblin” spelled backward!)
Thumbs Down Rating:
The Crappies
The Worst Picture Award goes to … David Hills and Brenda Norris for producing and Rosella Drudi and Drake Floyd for writing and directing a movie titled Troll 2 that features no trolls. Not one. Not even one of those spikey-haired Norwegian dolls.
And the Most Shocking Misuse of Magical Time Distortion Award goes to … Little Josh (played by Michael Stephenson). When his magical undead grandpa manages to stop time for a few seconds, Josh pees on the poisoned food the goblins are using to turn humans into vegetables, thus stopping his family from eating it. Yuck!!!!
They Really Said It!
Holly: If my father discovers you here, he'll cut off your little nuts and eat them.
Betcha Didn't Know
Morgan, Utah, the town that served as Nilbog in the film, played host to a festival in June of 2008 that celebrated Troll 2.
David Hills is one of the seventy (verified) pseudonyms for the late, multitalented Italian writer/director/producer/composer cinematographer/pornographer Joe D'Amato. (Joe D'Amato is itself a pseudonym, as he was born Arestide Massaccesi.)
Trivia Quiz
How do the flesh-eating goblins in Troll 2 manage to keep true to their vegetarian diets?
A: They eat tofu, the substance that alchemists sought after for centuries, because it can be transformed into any conceivable food item.
B: Fish, and lots of it.
C: They eat fillet of soul.
D: They turn people into plants then reduce them to a Cream of Wheat — like substance.
Answer: D. They turn people into plants, then reduce them to a Cream of Wheat — like substance. And no, it still doesn't make sense after you've seen the movie.
CHAPTER TWO
BIG BUDGET BOMBS
Sometimes, even the best idea doesn't click with the audience. Sometimes, a film was just too expensive and the investment couldn't be recovered. And then there are films that fail because they deserve to.
THE BLACK DAHLIA
Universal Pictures/Millennium Films, 2006
PRODUCERS Rudy Cohen, Moshe