150 Movies You Should Die Before You See - Miller Steve [6]
WRITERS Josh Friedman (script), James Ellroy (novel)
DIRECTOR Brian De Palma
STARS Josh Hartnett (Bucky Bleichert), Aaron Eckhart (Lee Blanchard), Scarlett Johansson (Kay Lake), Mia Kirshner (Elizabeth Short), and Hilary Swank (Madeleine Linscott)
A publicity-hungry police detective (Eckhart) arranges to have himself and his younger partner (Hartnett) assigned to the grisly murder of a would-be actress (Kirshner). As one detective starts to mysteriously come unglued, the other uncovers not only dark secrets relating to the dead actress, but to his partner as well.
Why It Sucks
Does it seem weird that the Black Dahlia murder, one of the most well-known scandals in Hollywood history and the title of the freakin' film is relegated to a minor tangent in this movie? The story moves randomly from plot to subplot, while director De Palma swings widely between cinematic tones and styles, from film noir to documentary. Not a single shot in the film lasts more than ten seconds, and all the quick edits and jumps accomplish nothing other than to provide insight into what it must be like to suffer from Attention Deficit Disorder.
Thumbs Down Rating:
The Crappies
The Worst Actor Award goes to … Josh Hartnett for the role of Bucky Bleichert. The character's such a weepy crybaby that you feel embarrassed for him.
And the Worst Director Award goes to … Brian De Palma for having such inability to command a proper tone that he can't even make footage from a supposed screen test of Elizabeth Short believable.
They Really Said It!
Bucky Bleichert: The basic rules of homicide applied: Nothing stays buried forever. Corpses. Ghosts. Nothing stays buried forever. Nothing.
Betcha Didn't Know
The film had an estimated budget of $50 million, but it only grossed around $23 million during its American theatrical run.
Brian De Palma also directed the 2007 flop Redacted. It cost $5 million to make, but barely made $64,000 during its theatrical run in the United States.
Trivia Quiz
What celebrity did Los Angeles authorities investigate as a suspect in the murder of Elizabeth Short?
A: Orson Welles
B: Alfred Hitchcock
C: Woody Guthrie
D: Boris Karloff
Answer: C. Woody Guthrie. The folk singer was, according to the Los Angeles district attorney's files on the case, briefly a suspect due to sexually explicit letters he sent to a woman in Northern California.
THE CONQUEROR (AKA “CONQUEROR OF THE DESERT”)
RKO Radio Pictures, 1956
PRODUCERS Dick Powell and Howard Hughes
WRITER Oscar Millard
DIRECTOR Dick Powell
STARS John Wayne (Temujin, Genghis Khan), Susan Hayward (Bortai), Agnes Moorhead (Hunlun), Pedro Armendáriz (Jamuga), and Ted de Corsia (Kumlek)
Mongolian warlord Temujin (Wayne) must do battle against the rival tribe that killed his father, fight with the red-haired Tartar prisoner Bortai (Hayward) whom he captured in a raid and has vowed to make his wife, and deal with intrigues in his inner circle. Enemies of every type stand arrayed against him as he fights his way to a place in history as the legendary Genghis Khan.
Why It Sucks
Few bad movies look as good as The Conqueror. It's got great costumes, brilliant colors, and the tale of a great warlord. But sometimes it takes only one thing to turn a film from a triumph to a turkey, and someone in central casting who must have been drunk, high, or both, decided to star John Wayne as Genghis Khan. That's right. John Wayne! Few movies have such a dramatic mix of the spectacular with the absolutely atrocious as this one.
Thumbs Down Rating:
The Crappies
The Worst Acting Award goes to … John Wayne as Temujin. No contest. Not even a question. What were they thinking?
And the Worst Picture Award goes to … Howard Hughes and Dick Powell for making a movie about a cool subject, and researching Genghis Khan about as badly as one of those Italian Hercules films — at ten times the cost.
They Really Said It!
(To get the full effect, close your eyes and imagine John Wayne saying it.) Temujin: While I live, while my blood burns hot, your daughter