150 Movies You Should Die Before You See - Miller Steve [60]
Trivia Quiz
Which star of The Ape Man spent his or her teenage years as a transient?
A: Bela Lugosi
B: Wallace Ford
C: Henry Hall
D: Louise Currie
Answer: B. According to film historian Tom Weaver, Wallace Ford spent several years as a rail-riding hobo. He was born Samuel Jones Grundy but adopted the name Wallace Ford as tribute to a fellow hobo who was killed by a rail car.
BUTTCRACK
Desert Dog Films, 1998
PRODUCER Cindy Geary
WRITER Jim Larsen
DIRECTOR Jim Larsen
STARS Mojo Nixon (Preacher Man Bob), Doug Ciskowski (Brian), Caleb Kreischer (Wade “Buttcrack” Jenkins), Kathy Wittes (Annie), Rob Hayward (Ken), and Cindy Geary (Wade's Sister)
When Brian (Ciskowski) accidentally kills his slobby, repulsive roommate Wade “Buttcrack” (Kreishner), Wade's vengeful sister (Geary) uses witchcraft to bring him back from the dead. But his cursed butt is now a true Crack of Doom: any who gaze upon it are transformed into zombies with melted faces who want to kill Brian.
Why It Sucks
It's a movie about a cursed buttcrack that turns people into zombies. Is there anything else that needs to be said?
Thumbs Down Rating:
The Crappies
The One-Shot Wonder Award goes to … Just about everyone involved with Buttcrack. This is the one and only film credit for most of them, and it's the only starring film role that rocker Mojo Nixon had before his semi-retirement from show business. Most of the cast seem to have been snatched from a nearby community theater and probably returned there directly after production on this turkey wrapped.
And the Making Sure Nothing Falls Through the Crack Award goes to … Lloyd Kaufman and everyone else who's taken on films like this one for distribution at Troma Entertainment. (Kaufman and crew have done more for independent filmmakers — especially those who make bad movies — than all other operations combined over the past thirty to forty years.)
They Really Said It!
Preacher Man Bob: Now, God, I done said all I had to say at Brother Wade's first funeral. I just hope you can call him home this time so we don't have to kill him and go through this all over again.
Betcha Didn't Know
Buttcrack is one of hundreds of bizarre low-budget, independently produced films that Lloyd Kaufman of Troma Entertainment has brought to a wide audience over the past four decades.
Nothing in voodoo or witchcraft lore involves spells that can curse buttcracks. Believe me, I've checked.
Trivia Quiz
What prompted Mojo Nixon to say that singer Don Henley has “balls the size of church bells”?
A: He saw Don Henley naked.
B: Don Henley beat him up in a parking lot.
C: Don Henley joined him onstage during a performance.
D: Mojo Nixon never said any such thing.
Answer: C. Mojo Nixon, known for being highly critical of the music industry, had written “Don Henley Must Die.” He was performing it onstage in Austin when Henley joined him to sing harmony.
CADAVERELLA
Big Atom Productions, 2007
PRODUCER Jennifer Friend
WRITERS Jennifer Friend and Timothy Friend
DIRECTOR Timothy Friend
STARS Megan Goddard (Cinder), Ryan Seymour (Cash/Justin), Santiago Vasquez (Baron Samedei), and Kieran Hunter (Leonore/Donn).
When Cinder (Goddard) is murdered the day before her twenty-first birthday — just before she would have gained control of the trust fund her father left her and the power to kick her abusive ex-stripper stepmother and her two freakish stepsisters out of her house — she is restored to life by voodoo god Baron Samedei (Vasquez) so she can take her revenge. But she only has until midnight….
Why It Sucks
Someone should have advised the production team that unnecessary and very badly done computer-generated visual effects only make your movie look worse than it actually is. (Although this was one of the best direct-to-DVD low-budget horror films of 2007. It truly was a sad year for horror movies.)
Thumbs Down Rating:
The Crappies
The Special Achievement Award in Misplaced Slapstick Comedy goes to … Timothy