150 Movies You Should Die Before You See - Miller Steve [64]
They Really Said It!
Byron: And here I had thought you that contradiction in terms: an intelligent woman!
Betcha Didn't Know
The novel Frankenstein, A Modern Prometheus by Mary Shelley was completed when she was just nineteen. The genesis of the idea was actually a nightmare she had shortly after suffering a miscarriage with her first child at the age of eighteen.
In 2006, almost exactly twenty years after the release of Gothic, Julian Sands starred in The Haunted Airman, another sexually charged horror film where the lines between reality and nightmare are impossibly blurred.
Trivia Quiz
Which of the following actresses played Mary Shelley onscreen?
A: Elsa Lanchester
B: Holly Hunter
C: Valerie Hobson
D: Milla Jovovich
Answer: A. Elsa Lanchester played the author in the prologue for The Bride of Frankenstein (1935). Valerie Hobson played Dr. Frankenstein's wife, while Lanchester also portrayed the female created by the doctor as a companion to the Creature.
JESUS CHRIST, VAMPIRE HUNTER
Odessa Filmworks, 2001
PRODUCER Lee Demarbre
WRITER Ian Driscoll
DIRECTOR Lee Demarbre
STARS Phil Caracas (Jesus Christ), Maria Moulton (Mary Magnum), Jeff Moffet (El Santo), Murielle Varhelyi (Maxine Shreck), and Josh Grace (Dr. Praetorious)
When the evil Dr. Praetorious (Grace) and a cult of vampires threaten to wipe out Ottawa's lesbian community, the Savior Himself, Jesus Christ (Caracas), comes to their rescue with blessings, miracles, and ass-kicking, vampire-busting kung fu (and a little help from masked Mexican wrestler El Santo (Moffet)!
Why It Sucks
Well, for a film with a great title, there's not enough Jesus, vampires, or lesbians to fully live up to the film's promise. (Although maybe there could never be enough of those elements to make this film great.) Demarbre should have been smart enough to leave Jesus's appearance alone, with his beard and long hair and Year Zero Middle Eastern robes.
Thumbs Down Rating:
The Crappies
The Special Award for Underacheivement in Costume Design goes to … Whoever thought it was a good idea to trade Jesus's robes for jeans and a black T-shirt. Instead of looking like Jesus Christ, he instead spends most of the film looking like actor Phil Caracas. And the Worst Director Award goes to … Lee Demarbre for failing to properly rehearse and stage the film's fight scenes. In a movie with a kung fu fighting Jesus Christ taking on vampires, the blows should look as if they're at least connecting.
They Really Said It!
Jesus: If I'm not back in five minutes, call the pope.
Betcha Didn't Know
Jeff Moffet is a regular in films directed by Lee Demarbre and has played masked Mexican wrestler El Santo in two other films (Harry Knuckles and the Treasure of the Aztec Mummy and Harry Knuckles and the Pearl Necklace). Phil Caracas, another Demarbre regular, starred as the title character in both films.
The New Testament is oddly silent on Jesus Christ's preferred martial arts style when fighting vampires.
Trivia Quiz
What thriller revolves around a conspiracy to conceal certain facts surrounding Jesus Christ's family?
A: The Seventh Seal (1957)
B: The Prophecy (1995)
C: The Da Vinci Code (2006)
D: Left Behind (2000)
Answer: C. The Da Vinci Code, based on Dan Brown's mega-bestseller of the same title, involves an effort to conceal the fact that Jesus had a child.
NUDIST COLONY OF THE DEAD
Innate Films/Pirromount Pictures, 1991
PRODUCERS Tom Naygrow and Phil Vigeant (executive producers), Mark Headley (producer)
WRITER Mark Pirro
DIRECTOR Mark Pirro
STARS Deborah Stern (Shelly Mammarosa), Rachel Latt (Mrs. Druple), Brad Mendelson (Peter Trickle), and Forrest J. Ackerman (Judge Rhinehole), Dave Robinson (Reverend Ritz)
When a judge (Ackerman) orders radical nudists to get dressed and threatens to close their nudist camp they commit ritual suicide. Years later, the former camp is turned into a Bible retreat for troubled youth … and the dead nudists rise from their graves, bringing with them murder, mayhem, and song-and-dance numbers.