150 Movies You Should Die Before You See - Miller Steve [65]
Why It Sucks
For a movie with a great, whacky premise, it's too slow moving for its own good. It's got funny songs and it's got a “shock twist ending” that's better than what you'll find in any number of serious horror films, but the slow parts are so slow that the payoffs are barely worth it. Still, it does have radical nudists.
Thumbs Down Rating:
The Crappies
The Special Achievement in Insensitivity Award goes to … Writer/ director Mark Pirro for including content sure to offend overly sensitive “community organizers” and “spokespeople” of just about any self-described group of “victims,” with the elderly, racial minorities, gays, the handicapped, and religious groups all having a few arrows slung their way.
And the Worst Director Award goes to … Mark Pirro for failing to realize he needed to pick up the pace. The film sags in the middle almost as badly as the boobs on the old zombie witch (who likes to twirl them during song-and-dance production numbers).
They Really Said It!
Reverend Ritz: The children can't praise the Lord with genitals in their mouths.
Betcha Didn't Know
In 1995, a stage version adapted from the movie ran for four months in a Hollywood theater.
Mark Pirro continues to make and market his independently produced movies.
Trivia Quiz
What cast member also appeared in a film directed by Peter “Lord of the Rings” Jackson?
A: Forrest J. Ackerman
B: Rachel Latt
C: Brad Mendelson
D: Deborah Stern
Answer: A. Forrest J. Ackerman appeared in Jackson's Dead Alive, which is covered in Chapter 5. Ackerman was also a longtime writer, editor, and agent in the science fiction and fantasy communities.
POSTAL
Boll KG Productions/Pitchblack Pictures, 2007
PRODUCERS Steve Wik and Vince Desiderio (executive producers), Uwe Boll, Daniel Clarke, and Shawn Williamson (producers)
WRITERS Uwe Boll and Bryan C. Knight
DIRECTOR Uwe Boll
STARS Zack Ward (the Dude), Dave Foley (Uncle Dave), Chris Coppola (Richard), Larry Thomas (Osama bin Laden), Michael Benyaer (Mohammed), Verne Troyer (himself), Jackie Tohn (Faith), Uwe Boll (himselfl), Rick Hoffman (Mr. Blither), and Chris Spencer (Officer Greg)
An unemployed factory worker (Ward) teams up with his con-artist uncle (Foley) to steal a shipment of highly collectible dolls and make a fortune selling them. Unfortunately, Osama bin Laden (Thomas) wants to steal the same dolls for far more nefarious purposes.
Why It Sucks
Uwe Boll, being Uwe Boll, has produced a film that's part political satire, part first-person shooter game adaptation, and all stupid. Most of the jokes are gross-out gags that cross the line from funny into heavy-handedly offensive. Boll jammed his film with plots and subplots until nothing got the proper amount of time.
Thumbs Down Rating:
The Crappies
The Worst Actress Award goes to … Jackie Tohn, who was given an underwritten part and still managed to do even less than expected. The only thing that isn't flat about her performance is her chest area.
And the Worst Auteur Award goes to … Uwe Boll for trying too hard to be offensive, which rapidly becomes tiresome. (The child-molesting-themed Krotchy Dolls are the most painful example.)
Betcha Didn't Know
The film was slated for theatrical release in the United States on May 24, 2008, but in the months leading up to its release distributors refused to handle it and theater chains refused to screen it. In the end, the film ended up showing in fewer than ten theaters.
Critics of all stripes like to compare Uwe Boll to Edward D. Wood Jr. The comparison is unfair, as Boll has been more successful than Wood by any standard. His movies also tend to be more entertaining than Wood's films (no matter how much they may suck).
They Really Said It!
Uwe Boll: There are all those rumors out there that my movies are financed with Nazi gold, and what should I say? It's true!
Trivia Quiz
What 2009 comedy featured a real-world terrorist in a mock interview?
A: G-Force
B: The Proposal
C: Delivery Date
D: Brüno
Answer: D. In Brüno, Sacha Baron Cohen, posing as the flamboyantly gay fashion critic