150 Movies You Should Die Before You See - Miller Steve [67]
And the Worst Best Actor Award goes to … John Johnson for playing his character of Howard completely straight and with real restraint while everyone around him is acting.
They Really Said It!
Neil: He just got beat up with a penis!
Betcha Didn't Know
Skeleton Key takes place mostly in the town of Nilbog as a tribute to the hideously hilarious cinematic milestone of awfulness that is Troll 2.
John Johnson has helmed two sequels to this movie, one in 2007 and one in 2008.
Trivia Quiz
What classic horror novel inspired John Johnson to write and direct one of the most faithful adaptations ever brought to the screen?
A: Frankenstein
B: Dracula
C: The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
D: Carmilla
Answer: B. In 2008, Johnson's Alucard was released directly to DVD. The film captures the tone of Stoker's novel, keeps to its plot, and includes most of the book's dialogue.
SUBURBAN SASQUATCH
Troubled Moon Films, 2004
PRODUCER Dave Wascavage
WRITER Dave Wascavage
DIRECTOR Dave Wascavage
STARS Sue Lynn Sanchez (Talla), Bill Ushler (Rick Harlan), and Dave Bonavita (John Rush/Bigfoot)
A sasquatch (that's Bigfoot if you're in the American Northwest or Abominable Snowman if you're in the Himalayas) goes on a rampage in a new housing development. Will a young Native American, Talla (Sanchez), equipped with magical arrows and hand axes kill the beast? Or will the handsome tabloid reporter (Ushler) distract her with the promise of romance?
Why It Sucks
Suburban Sasquatch is a campy, low-budget monster flick that revels in its own awfulness. Dave Wascavage makes cheap, awful movies that he knows are cheap and awful. With this film, he creates a homage/spoof of numerous drive-in movie “classics” and a number of B movies from the 1940s and 1950s. His film is every bit as badly plotted and acted as those. Oh yeah, and the Bigfoot costume is a gorilla suit that's received a boob job.
Thumbs Down Rating:
The Crappies
The Special Achievement in Bringing Nightmares to Life Award goes to … Dan Wascavage for making a movie about a teleporting Sasquatch with strangely hypnotic nipples.
And the Worst Actor Award goes to … Bill Ushler for his performance as a whiny, boring romantic hero. This goes even beyond Hayden Christensen in Attack of the Clones.
They Really Said It!
Rick: You're going to kill this thing with some bow and arrows?
Talla: Let's move.
Betcha Didn't Know
Five different actors wore the Bigfoot costume during filming: Dave Bonavita, Juan Fernandez, Wes Miller, David Weldon, and Edward Wascavage. Each also played other parts in the film.
Wascavage followed this effort with Fungicide, a film even more intentionally cheesy and awful than this one. In it, giant mushrooms (created by awful CGI or hilariously bad costumes) attack the residents at a bed and breakfast.
Trivia Quiz
What well-known movie critic believes Sasquatch/Bigfoot is real?
A: Ben Lyons
B: Michael Medved
C: Steven Jay Schneider
D: Robert Ebert
Answer: B. On his nationally syndicated radio show, Michael Medved has frequently spoken of his belief that a giant unknown primate roams the recesses of the North American rainforest in the Pacific Northwest.
THE WITCHES' MOUNTAIN
Azor Films, 1972
PRODUCER Uncredited
WRITERS Raúl Artigot, Juan Cortéz, Félix Fernández, and José Truchado
DIRECTOR Raúl Artigot
STARS John Gaffari (Mario), Patty Shepard (Delia), Mónica Randall (Carla), and Victor Israel (Inn Keeper)
A commercial photographer (Gaffari) takes a sexy girl (Shepard) — it was the seventies! — to shoot a photo-essay on isolated Witches' Mountain. Weirdnesses and witches haunt them every step of the way.
Why It Sucks
How does the prologue with the evil little girl fit with the film's climax? Was Shepard put in Gaffari's path through magic? Why do witches like to steal the hero's car and break into his house? Why do the rituals performed by the witches make them look like a jazz ballet company rehearsing for a performance? Why, why, why!?! No answers here.
Thumbs Down Rating:
The Crappies