150 Movies You Should Die Before You See - Miller Steve [73]
They Really Said It!
Criswell: We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember, my friends, future events such as these will affect you in the future.
Betcha Didn't Know
The film was completed in 1956, but it took three years to find a distributor who was willing to pick it up.
Criswell was a journalist turned professional psychic. It is claimed (by Criswell) that he was accurate 80 percent of the time. His prediction that the world would end in 2001 was among the 20 percent of the incorrect ones.
Trivia Quiz
Which actor appearing in Plan 9 costarred in films with Ginger Rogers?
A: Bela Lugosi
B: Dudley Manlove
C: Tor Johnson
D: Lyle Talbot
Answer: D. Lyle Talbot costarred in the low-budget mysteries The Thirteenth Guest (1932) and A Shriek in the Night (1933), both of which costarred Ginger Rogers.
XTRO
Amalgamated Film Enterprises, 1983
PRODUCERS Robert Shay (executive producer) and Mark Forstater (producer)
WRITERS Iain Cassie and Robert Smith (script), Harry Bromley Davenport and Michel Parry (story)
DIRECTOR Harry Bromley Davenport
STARS Bernice Stegers (Rachael Phillips), Philip Sayer (Sam Phillips), Danny Brainin (Joe Daniels), Maryam D'Abo (Analise Mercier), and Simon Nash (Tony Phillips)
Three years after being abducted by aliens, Sam (Sayer) returns a very different man. And then he passes his newly acquired gooey, gory alien powers on to his young son (Nash).
Why It Sucks
Although creepy at times and downright terrifying at others, the film is overlong. Too much bland acting and too many lazy attempts to cover plot holes. And waaay too much Stupid Character Syndrome.
Thumbs Down Rating:
The Crappies
The Special Achievement in the Area of Distorted Family Values Award goes to … Scriptwriters Iain Cassie and Robert Smith and storywriters Harry Bromley Davenport and Michel Parry for a tale of disturbing perversions of the parent/child relationship.
And the Worst Director Award goes to … Harry Bromley Davenport for not knowing when to quit. Why do so many directors insist on milking the hell out of scenes? They just spoil a good thing.
They Really Said It!
Rachael [upon noticing a bloody smear on the front door]: Sam, someone's been here!
Betcha Didn't Know
Xtro was one of seventy-four films on a list drawn up in 1983 by Great Britain's Director of Public Prosecutions as being so perverse and obscene that they might violate British law. (It was later dropped from the list.)
The movie was followed by two sequels, neither of which have anything to do with the plot of this film or each other.
Trivia Quiz
In what James Bond movie did Maryam d'Abo appear?
A: A View to a Kill (1985)
B: Golden Eye (1995)
C: The Living Daylights (1987)
D: Octopussy (1983)
Answer: C. In The Living Daylights d'Abo played Kara Milovy, a professional cellist who moonlights as a sniper.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
TEST YOUR STAMINA
I've been hardened by decades of bad-movie watching. But even I almost could not sit through the movies in this chapter. (In fact, I am not too proud to admit that Oasis of the Zombies almost got the best of me.) So test your mettle. Watch all the films in this chapter. If you get through them, you'll be able to count yourself among the best of those who love the worst. You'll also have some genuine benchmarks to evaluate the accuracy of that most-often-misapplied label “worst movie ever.”
ALONE IN THE DARK
Boll KG Productions/Herold Productions/Brightlight Pictures, 2005
PRODUCERS Uwe Boll and Wolfgang Herold (executive producers), Shawn Williamson (producer)
WRITERS Elan Mastai, Michael Roesch, and Peter Scheerer
DIRECTOR Uwe Boll
STARS Christian Slater (Edward Carnby), Stephen Dorff (Richard Burke), and Tara Reid (Aline Cedrac)
Edward Carnby (Slater) is a paranormal investigator trying to unlock a mystery in his past that is somehow tied to a mysterious prehistoric culture. He is on the verge of finding his answers when a series of events involving