150 Movies You Should Die Before You See - Miller Steve [74]
Why It Sucks
This movie starts with one of the dullest bits of exposition to ever open a big-budget horror film and it doesn't get much better.
There's no character development, no logic, and the plot is so halfbaked it doesn't even feel as if they stuck it in the oven. For extra suck, the creatures look exactly like what they are: computergenerated animations.
Thumbs Down Rating:
The Crappies
The Worst Script Award goes to … Elan Mastai, Michael Roesch, and Peter Scheerer for creating the most incompetent monster-fighting government agency ever. The creatures in the film are vulnerable to light. Private citizens can rent portable light towers with gas or battery-powered generators. But the hi-tech, paramilitary Department 713 can't find any. I dunno. Maybe Haliburton was in charge of their procurement process.
And the Worst Special-Effects Award goes to … Peter Giliberti, lead animator, for computer-generated critters and effects so badly done that most of the $10 million-plus that was spent on them must have gone to hookers and blow.
They Really Said It!
Edward Carnby: Fear is what protects you from the things you don't believe in.
Betcha Didn't Know
Director Uwe Boll blames the failure of this movie on actress Tara Reid. He has been quoted in interviews saying that he regrets not firing her and replacing her with an unknown actress.
Boll stated that this film taught the importance of starting with a good script when making a movie. His films since show no sign that he took this lesson to heart.
Trivia Quiz
What unusual publicity stunt did Uwe Boll orchestrate during production of his 2008 comedy Postal?
A: He placed a bounty on Osama bin Laden.
B: He challenged film critics who have slammed his films to face him in a boxing ring.
C: He joined peace protests in Seattle, Washington.
D: He attempted to stow away on Air Force One.
Answer: B. Boll challenged his harshest critics to face him in a Las Vegas boxing match. It was originally stated the resulting footage of Boll beating the crap out of his critics would be included in Postal (2008), but it ultimately ended up only as a bonus feature on the DVD release.
AN AMERICAN CAROL
Mpower Pictures, 2008
PRODUCERS Diane Hendricks and Myrna Sokoloff (executive producers), Stephen McEveety, John Shepherd, and David Zucker (producers)
WRITERS David Zucker, Lewis Friedman, and Myrna Sokoloff
DIRECTOR David Zucker
STARS Kevin Farley (Michael Malone), Kelsey Grammer (General Patton), Robert Davi (Aziz), Geoffrey Arend (Mohammed), Serdar Kalsin (Ahmed), Chriss Anglin (John F. Kennedy), Trace Adkins (Death), and Jon Voigt (George Washington)
Left-wing, America-hating, self-absorbed filmmaker Michael Malone (Farley) starts a movement to outlaw the Fourth of July. He attracts the attention of Taliban terrorist leader Aziz (Davi), who under the pretense of funding Malone's first feature film, wants to use him to stage a massive Fourth of July suicide bombing attack. The spirits of great American leaders General George S. Patton (Grammer), George Washington (Voigt), and John F. Kennedy (Anglin) visit him in dreams in an attempt to change his heart toward love of his country.
Why It Sucks
David Zucker and his co-creators got so wrapped up in this diatribe against liberal Hollywood that they forgot to take their script past the draft. The film consists of little more than half-baked insults directed at Michael Moore and other left-wingers that are passed off as jokes. The script doesn't even adhere to the structure of A Christmas Carol, (something pretty big in a film titled An American Carol). Unlike Scrooge, who had a change of heart and started using his wealth and power for good once he returned firmly to the real world, Malone apparently remains in the dreamworld of truth-revealing ghosts, making his transformation meaningless.
The Crappies
The Worst Script Award goes to … David Zucker, Lewis