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They Really Said It!

Lord Cunningham: It's not unusual for a man to do strange things for kicks.

Trivia Quiz

Critics and fans refer to violent mystery films like The Night Evelyn Came Out of the Grave as “giallo pictures.” Where did the term originate?

A: With the first director who made such a film, Mario Giallo

B: A series of cheap paperback mystery novel adaptations which served as the beginning of the subgenre these films represent, books that were known for their yellow cover designs. Giallo is Italian for “yellow”

C: The title of an early violent Italian mystery movie

D: American film critic Roger Ebert, describing his squeamishness for movie violence to an Italian newspaper, in which he stated “I'm yellow … giallo”

Answer: B. These books were first published in 1929, but the term was used of a certain kind of mystery movie starting in the early 1960s

NINJA PHANTOM HEROES (AKA “NINJA EMPIRE”)

Filmark International, 1987

PRODUCERS Godfrey Ho and Thomas Tang

WRITER Duncan Bauer

DIRECTOR Bruce Lambert

STARS Glen Carson (Ford), George Dickson (George), Bruce Lambert (Bruce), Dinny Yip (Alan), and Christine Wells (Christine) A Hong Kong crime syndicate and an Evil Ninja Cult become embroiled in a turf war over who gets to sell illegal arms to the Arabs. A Good Ninja (Carson) and his girl sidekick (Wells), in the employ of the CIA, are tasked with putting a stop to all the armsdealing shenanigans.

Why It Sucks

Ninja Phantom Heroes is an incoherent patchwork of a movie, cobbled together from scenes of a boring gangster/romance film and footage of grown men embarrassing themselves in ninja outfits. This is the worst of Godfrey Ho's efforts. The plotline involving two American ninjas, once good friends but now deadly enemies, is lame even by Ho standards.

Thumbs Down Rating:

The Crappies

The Worst Film Award goes to … Godrey Ho for taking a dead project with too many characters in its story and adding a bunch of ninja nonsense.

And the Worst Acting Award goes to … Everyone who dubbed voices for this picture. It's rare to hear voices acting as devoid of talent as we experience here.

They Really Said It!

Glen: Now that we've exposed ourselves, we must be extra careful.

Betcha Didn't Know

“Bruce Lambert” is one of forty different confirmed pseudonyms used by producer/director Godfrey Ho. The Bruce Lambert actor who appears in this film may be the real Bruce Lambert, however.

Actor Richard Harrison blames Godfrey Ho for ruining his career after he “starred” in several Ho films via outtakes and cut scenes that originally came from other films.

Trivia Quiz

What is the origin of the black outfits worn by many ninja?

A: Kabuki theater performances

B: Like everything else about ninja, it is shrouded in mystery

C: Uniform commissioned by Oda Nobunaga in ad 1581

D: A Japanese costume designer who worked on the 1962 film Godzilla vs. the Ninjabots

Answer: A. After gaining fame as scouts, spies, and assassins in sixteenth-century Japan, the ninja entered the realm of popular imagination and began appearing as characters in Kabuki theater.

OASIS OF THE ZOMBIES

(AKA “BLOODSUCKING NAZI ZOMBIES”)

Eurociné, 1981

PRODUCER Marius Lesoeur

WRITER A. L. Mariaux

DIRECTOR A. M. Frank

STARS Manuel Gélin (Robert), France Lomay (Erika), Henry Lambert (Kurt), Myriam Landson (Kurt's wife), and Caroline Audret (Sylvie)

Two rival groups head to a distant oasis in search of Nazi gold. There they are set upon by Nazi zombies who are guarding the treasure for who-knows-what-reason.

Why It Sucks

Jess Franco, in his second effort worthy of this chapter — hiding behind the pseudonyms A. M. Frank (for direction) and A. L. Mariaux (for the script, together with producer Marius Lesoeur) — managed to make a movie about sexually perverted Nazi zombies that is almost completely unwatchable. From its nonexistent story (nothing is explained and no characters are interesting or developed in the slightest) to its badly