A CONFESSION [16]
I found that for people of my circle there were four ways out
of the terrible position in which we are all placed.
The first was that of ignorance. It consists in not knowing,
not understanding, that life is an evil and an absurdity. People
of this sort -- chiefly women, or very young or very dull people --
have not yet understood that question of life which presented
itself to Schopenhauer, Solomon, and Buddha. They see neither the
dragon that awaits them nor the mice gnawing the shrub by which
they are hanging, and they lick the drops of honey. but they lick
those drops of honey only for a while: something will turn their
attention to the dragon and the mice, and there will be an end to
their licking. From them I had nothing to learn -- one cannot
cease to know what one does know.
The second way out is epicureanism. It consists, while
knowing the hopelessness of life, in making use meanwhile of the
advantages one has, disregarding the dragon and the mice, and
licking the honey in the best way, especially if there is much of
it within reach. Solomon expresses this way out thus: "Then I
commended mirth, because a man hath no better thing under the sun,
than to eat, and to drink, and to be merry: and that this should
accompany him in his labour the days of his life, which God giveth
him under the sun.
"Therefore eat thy bread with joy and drink thy wine with a
merry heart.... Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all
the days of the life of thy vanity...for this is thy portion in
life and in thy labours which thou takest under the sun....
Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might, for there
is not work, nor device, nor knowledge, nor wisdom, in the grave,
whither thou goest."
That is the way in which the majority of people of our circle
make life possible for themselves. Their circumstances furnish
them with more of welfare than of hardship, and their moral
dullness makes it possible for them to forget that the advantage of
their position is accidental, and that not everyone can have a
thousand wives and palaces like Solomon, that for everyone who has
a thousand wives there are a thousand without a wife, and that for
each palace there are a thousand people who have to build it in the
sweat of their brows; and that the accident that has today made me
a Solomon may tomorrow make me a Solomon's slave. The dullness of
these people's imagination enables them to forget the things that
gave Buddha no peace -- the inevitability of sickness, old age, and
death, which today or tomorrow will destroy all these pleasures.
So think and feel the majority of people of our day and our
manner of life. The fact that some of these people declare the
dullness of their thoughts and imaginations to be a philosophy,
which they call Positive, does not remove them, in my opinion, from
the ranks of those who, to avoid seeing the question, lick the
honey. I could not imitate these people; not having their dullness
of imagination I could not artificially produce it in myself. I
could not tear my eyes from the mice and the dragon, as no vital
man can after he has once seen them.
The third escape is that of strength and energy. It consists
in destroying life, when one has understood that it is an evil and
an absurdity. A few exceptionally strong and consistent people act
so. Having understood the stupidity of the joke that has been
played on them, and having understood that it is better to be dead
than to be alive, and that it is best of all not to exist, they act
accordingly and promptly end this stupid joke, since there are
means: a rope round one's neck, water, a knife to stick into one's
heart, or the trains on the railways; and the number of those of
our circle who act in this way becomes greater and greater, and for
the most part they act so at the best time of their life, when the
strength of their mind is in full bloom and few habits degrading to
the mind have as yet been acquired.