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Meaning what?

Do you believe in love?

Yeah.

Do you believe it can make your life better?

Yeah.

Do you have faith in anything else?

Friendship.

You believe in friendship?

Very much so.

Anything else?

What’s your point?

You can’t prove love or friendship exist, but you still have faith in them. I’m asking you to try and apply the same principle to something greater than yourself.

I can feel love and friendship. I can see and touch and talk to the People I love and the People I choose to make my friends. The idea of God doesn’t make me feel anything and I can’t see God or touch God or talk to God.

Have you ever tried to open yourself up to the idea of faith?

I’ve read the Bible. It didn’t ring true to me. I know People who consider themselves close to God, but I’ve never understood their feelings. I’ve spent time in Churches, and I can appreciate their beauty and majesty, but nothing good has ever happened to me in a Church.

What does that mean?

Exactly what I said.

Is there something you aren’t telling me?

Nothing that has anything to do with what we’re talking about.

She stares at me, I stare at her. She speaks.

I want you to think more about this and try to come to terms with it. I want you to stop intellectualizing it and try to open yourself to it.

I’ve never believed in God, not even as a little Kid. I’m not going to start now.

Think about it.

Fine.

She stands and I stand and we walk to the door and she opens it.

There are going to be some alterations to your Program, which Ken will talk to you about this afternoon. Come back and talk to me when you’re ready.

I walk out and I walk through the Halls. As I head to the Unit, I see Leonard walking toward me. He tells me it’s time for lunch so we walk to the Dining Hall and we find a table. We are joined by Ed and Ted and Matty and Miles and Bobby.

Bobby tells stories and talks mountains of shit. I have this, I know this Person, they owe me this much money, on and on and on. At one point he starts talking about Las Vegas and a trip he took there for a meeting with Mikey the Nose. Leonard, who has been ignoring Bobby for most of lunch, starts listening to him. He does not speak, and it is not obvious that he’s interested, but I can see him start to pay closer attention. Bobby says that Mikey was a fat, drunk pig, foolish with his money and foolish with his mouth, and that when he was finally taken out, there were parties all over New York. Bobby says that he owed Mikey a fairly large sum of money, and that with Mikey’s death, the debt disappeared. Bobby says that the last time he went to Las Vegas, he went and found Mikey’s grave and took a piss on it. I watch Leonard as Bobby says these things. I watch his face remain a mask of calm, I watch his hands stay still upon the table. I know that if Bobby were saying these things about someone whom I loved, I’d be across the table and on his neck. Leonard just sits and listens. Leonard just sits and stares.

We finish lunch and we stand and walk as a group to the Lecture. We sit in the back and we play cards. For the first time since I have known him, Leonard loses every hand we play. Ted wins three, Ed and Matty win two, Miles and I don’t win any. When the Lecture is over, everyone gives Leonard his money back. We leave.

As we walk through the Halls and toward the Unit, Ken steps out of his Office and he asks to speak with me. I step into his Office and sit down and he does the same.

There a few things we need to talk about today.

He picks up a piece of paper and he passes it to me.

This a release so that we can have a Lawyer who works here contact the states in which you have issues and try to begin to sorting them out. You need to read it, write down the states and Cities and what you think the problems are, and sign it. You don’t have to do it, but we highly recommend that you do.

You got a pen?

Sure.

He picks up a pen and he hands it to me. I take it, start reading the document.

In a related, or somewhat related issue, we’ve noticed that you’ve become close to Leonard. We’re a bit concerned