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A Million Little Pieces - James Frey [113]

By Root 1204 0
room and feed them drugs until they were profoundly and chronically Addicted to them. Then I would overdose them, drive them to the nearest inner-city ER, and I would drop them off at the door, right next to the homeless Guys with knives, the Addicts with AIDS and the Cops and the Ambulance Drivers smoking cigarettes. I’d leave them there for a couple of days, and then I’d come back and check on them. If they were still alive or still around, which would be highly unlikely, I’d ask them if their experience has in any way whatsoever resembled the experience they presented to the Public. I’d ask them if they were through detoxification and if they were feeling good. I’d ask them if they had been to their first AA Meeting and if they had found new Jobs and if they had found new Apartments. I’d ask them if they had fallen in love over a candlelit dinner and if they had the best sex of their lives. I’d ask them if they had purchased their new Golden Retrievers. After I received their answers, no no no please what I do now no fuck me I’m fucked no please help me no no no no, I’d ask them how they were going to present addiction to the Public in the future. I’d ask them if they were going to romanticize it, glorify it, make light of it or portray in a way that is wholly inaccurate. No no no please what I do now no fuck me I’m fucked no please help me no no no no. That’s what I thought, you Motherfuckers. No.

After the show I stand and I walk to my Room. I have not seen Miles since I saw him earlier and I stop and I put my ear to the door before I reach to open it. I hear weeping, soft quiet sobs, mumbled words spoken to the air, a fist pounding a pillow. I would like to be in my bed, under the covers and warm, but I do not want to disturb him, so I let go of the door and I walk back to the Unit.

I get another cup of coffee and I go back to the couch. The Lower Level is empty but for me and two men. I don’t know them and I don’t speak to them. There is a talk show on the TV and a Movie Star is talking about his love for automobile racing and the Host of the show pretends to be interested in what he’s saying. He smiles, nods when he needs to nod, accentuates the Movie Star’s remarks with witty responses. The audience of the show is enraptured, and though I know the show is idiotic, I am enraptured as well. I am an Alcoholic and a drug Addict. I need fuel. I’ll take what I can get.

I drink another cup of coffee, watch another talk show, fade in and out of sleep. Coffee doesn’t affect me anymore and the TV is a narcotic. Its dull flicker feeding me filling me killing me keeping me holding me here and giving me something on which to focus. The two men on the couches next to me are both sound asleep. One of them is twitching and moaning, softly crying a word all too common he cries stop stop stop. The other is snoring and still. I’d think he was dead but for the noise. I fade in and out.

The TV is narcotic.

In and out.

In.

Out.

In.

Out.

Chapter 14

A man selling hair-growth products screams buy buy buy it’ll grow grow grow. The head of hair that you’ve always dreamed of. I can give it to you if you buy buy buy it’ll grow grow grow. He is standing on a beach. There are beautiful blondes on each of his arms. He is wearing a cheap suit.

I turn him off. I walk to my Room and I open the door. I step inside. Miles is awake, sitting on his bed. He is reading the Bible. He nods to me and I nod to him. I climb into my bed and I settle beneath the blankets and I curl into myself.

I wake up. There is gray light through the window I squint to avoid it. The first thought I have is of my Parents. I’m fucking pissed.

I get out bed, shower, shave, brush my teeth. The mirror, myself, my eyes, they are not a consideration today. Not even close.

As I get dressed, Miles walks in carrying two cups of coffee. He hands one of them to me.

I brought you a cup of coffee.

Thanks.

You like it black, right?

Yeah.

I take a sip, set the mug on the nightstand next to my bed, continue dressing. Miles walks to his bed and he sits down and he

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