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By Root 1173 0

He wipes his face. The clapping continues. Leonard stands and he cheers and the men follow him. They stand and cheer, salute and respect. The Bald Man smiles wider, cries harder, the joy of the now this moment and of the bright, shining future with his Family lights his face, his skin, the round dome of his skull. It lights him lights through him dimming whatever he has done before the darkness of his past has been overwhelmed. I stand and I clap and I cheer. The hair on the back of my neck is alert and alive, there are chills running down the length of my spine. Good luck, Bald Man. I never knew you well but you showed me how to cry like a man. You were braver than me and the rest of the men here you were braver than all of us good luck. May you go home, be happy, live sober and free, live the life you imagine yourself living. May you love your Wife and Children and let them love you. Good luck, Bald Man.

He runs from the Room. Just like before, but not at all the same. As he runs he smiles and as he runs the men laugh, but it’s not like before, not like it at all. He runs sober and free. The bright, shining future lies stretched out before him.

The men stop cheering they are happy and laughing and they start to go their separate ways. I see Miles approach Leonard, tap him on the shoulder, and they walk toward the door. I pick up my coffee and I walk to the phone and I get into the Booth and I sit down and I shut the door. I pick up the phone and I start making calls. I call my Brother. He asks how it’s going with Mom and Dad. I say better than I thought it would. He says good, try to be cool, they are only there because they love you. I say I’m trying and he says keeps trying, I say I will. I ask him to say hello to Kirk and Julie and he says he will. We hang up.

I call Kevin. Kevin lives in Chicago. He yells into the phone I can tell he’s been drinking. It makes me sick and it makes me jealous. He’s free. He’s drinking. I can imagine the glass in his hand the liquid on his lips the feeling the feeling the feeling. I ask him about Chicago. He tells me it’s cold. I ask him if I would like it he tells me I would. There are lots of dark alleys and places to hide. I tell him I’m not hiding I’m going to Jail before I move. He says fuck, man, fuck Jail. I say I have to go to Jail and when I’m out I’m moving to Chicago. He says that’s great if you need anything I’ll help you out you can stay with me when you get here. I say thank you and we hang up. He was drunk. It makes me sick and it makes me jealous.

I call her friends. The ones who became my friends. Amy, Lucinda, Anna. The conversations are all the same. How are you I’m good. I’ve been thinking of you thank you. Do you need anything I’m fine. The conversations are tense. As if they know something that they are not telling me. I can feel it, they can feel it. It is best left alone I leave it alone and so do they. It is none of my business anymore. They each say they love me. Not romantically but in the way people love when they have seen too much hard life and they have seen it together. They saw it with me. I say I love them back and I do. When we hang up when I hang up with each of them I feel better. Not because of their relationship with her, but because of their relationship with me.

I am finished with the calls. I have made enough of them and I know that my calls will spread among those who know me. I walk out of the Unit and through the Halls and the Glass Corridor that separates men and women in the Dining Hall. I glance through to find Lilly, she is sitting at a table. She is there with her friends and she is staring at me. Her eyes are red and swollen. There are stains of tears that have been washed away. I can see her hands shaking. She is staring at me as if she wishes I were dead.

I don’t want to acknowledge her and risk more than we have risked or give away more than is already known, but she is staring at me. Staring at me as if she wishes I were dead. I stare back, lift my hands and lower my head and say what’s wrong without words with my face and with