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By Root 1057 0

and ear infections as an explanation for twenty-three years of chaos. It would be easy to do so. To place myself on a pedestal away from what and who I am and to write it all off because of my Grandfather’s genes and a Doctor’s incompetence. It has been twenty-three years of chaos. Twenty-three years of Hell. I could let it all go with the simple acceptance of that which has been presented to me. I could let it all go.

I look up. My Parents are watching me, Joanne is watching me. They are waiting for a response. I take a breath and I speak.

It’s an interesting theory. It probably holds some weight. I can accept it for what I feel it is, which is a possibility. I won’t accept it as a root cause, because I think it’s a cop-out, and because I don’t think it does me any good to accept anything other than myself and my own weakness as a root cause. I did everything I did. I made the decisions to do it all. The only way I’m going to get better is if I accept responsibility for the decision to either be an Addict or not be an Addict. That’s the way it has to be for me. I know you’re going to try and convince me otherwise, but you shouldn’t bother.

Joanne chuckles, my Mother and Father stare at me. I look at Joanne and I speak.

Why are you chuckling?

She smiles.

Because you are the single most stubborn Person that I’ve ever met.

I just won’t let myself be a victim.

What do you mean by that?

People in here, People everywhere, they all want to take their own problems, usually created by themselves, and try to pass them off on someone or something else. I know my Mother and Father did the best they could and gave me the best they could and loved me the best they could and if anything, they are victims of me. I could say I’m flawed in my genetic makeup, that I have this disease and my addictions are caused by the presence of it, but I think that’s a load of shit. I’m a victim of nothing but myself, just as I believe that most People with this so-called disease aren’t victims of anything other than themselves. If you want to call that philosophy stubbornness, go right ahead. I call it being responsible. I call it the acceptance of my own problems and my own weaknesses with honor and dignity. I call it getting better.

Joanne smiles.

Despite the fact that I can’t really endorse or condone your philosophy, I am gradually becoming a Believer.

I smile.

Thank you.

My Father speaks.

James.

I turn toward him and my Mother. They are smiling at me.

I have never been more proud of you than I am this moment.

I smile.

Thanks, Dad.

My Mother speaks.

Me too, James.

Thanks, Mom.

Joanne looks at her watch.

I think we’ve done some exceptional work tonight and it’s getting late.

I stand.

Let’s get out of here.

My Parents stand. My Mother speaks.

Can we have another hug before we go?

I step forward, put one of my arms around each of them, and they each put one of their arms around me. We pull each of us pulls and we hug each other the three of us hug each other it is strong and easy and full of something maybe love. The Fury flares and I am momentarily uncomfortable, but the strength I am giving and the strength I am taking kills it. Easily and quickly. The giving and taking kills it.

We separate. My Parents are still smiling. I say good-bye to Joanne and she says good-bye to me. I open the door and I wait. My Parents say good-bye and thank you to Joanne and she smiles and says no problem. They walk out and I follow them. We say good-bye outside the door and they go one way and I go another.

I walk back to the Unit. I know my way the walk is automatic. I am tired and I’m ready for bed. I don’t want to deal with anything or anybody. I don’t want to think about Prison or genetics or ear infections. I don’t know about one and the other two don’t matter. I want to sleep. Close my eyes and sleep.

I get to my Room open the door walk inside. Miles is in bed he is already sleeping. The light on my nightstand is on I turn it off get under the covers. They are warm. The pillow is soft.

I am tired.

I go to sleep.

Chapter 16