A Million Little Pieces - James Frey [148]
There are hands shaking me gently shaking me. I hear my name James James James I am being shaken. I hear my name. James.
I open my eyes. It is dark I can see the blurred shape shaking me and saying my name. I blink once. Twice. It is dark. I can see.
Miles is standing above me. He sees my eyes I see his eyes. He lets me go. I sit up.
There’s a young lady at the window for you.
What?
A young lady is at the window. She’s asking for you.
I lean forward, look around him. I see an outline through the glass.
Fuck.
Miles laughs.
Women are difficult. They become more so if you ignore them. I’d suggest you go speak to her.
Fuck.
I push away the covers, Miles steps back. I drag myself from my bed and I walk to the window and I open it. A rush of cold of a cold wind slaps me in the face. I stick my head out the window. Lilly is standing in the shadows. She speaks.
I need to talk to you.
Right now?
Yes.
Can’t wait till morning?
I need to talk to you.
Hold on.
I step away from the window and I close it. I turn around and Miles is smiling at me.
You knew it couldn’t wait till morning if she woke us up in the middle of the night.
I thought I’d try.
I put on my pants.
There’s no use trying with them. You just do.
My shoes.
That’ll be my Policy in the future.
Hank’s jacket.
It’s the best way.
I walk back to the window.
Sorry you got woken up.
Miles smiles.
Don’t get caught.
I smile.
I won’t.
I open the window, get hit by the cold the cold the cold. I climb through and I close the window behind me. Lilly is in the shadows. I walk toward her.
Hi.
That’s all you’ve got to say?
What’s that supposed to mean?
You think you can say hi to me and everything will be cool?
What are you talking about?
I stop walking and I stand in front of her. I can see swollen eyes and the stains of tears. I see her rear and swing. One step back and she misses.
What the fuck is your problem?
She regains her balance and she steps forward and she pushes me.
Fuck you.
I laugh. She pushes me again.
You think this is funny?
She pushes me again.
Fuck you.
Her voice is getting louder. She pushes again.
Fuck you.
She rears back.
FUCK YOU.
She swings. I grab her arm. She swings with the other. I grab that one. She struggles and she clenches her teeth and I hold her arms and I drag her away from the Building, trying to be gentle, but using enough strength to move her. She says let me go let me go you fucking Asshole let me go. I ignore her. I walk slowly backward, holding her arms and gently pulling her into the darkness.
Fifty feet away we’re safe. I keep pulling, she keeps struggling and swearing and calling me names. A hundred feet away we’re safer. The darkness is darker. The sound carries less. I stop walking and pulling, but I don’t let go. She struggles. I put my arms around her and I hold her tight.
Calm down.
No.
I’m not letting go of you.
I’ll make you.
She struggles more. I hold tighter. Her body is against mine, her arms are pressed against the flesh of each chest. I hold her and she struggles. I wait and she swears. When she stops after a few moments she stops I hold her still. She breathes. Deep heavy breaths. In the silence of night. In the darkness where we’re safe.
Her breathing slows slows slows. I lay my head on her shoulder. When she is breathing normally I speak.
You all right?
No.
What’s wrong?
You’re an Asshole.
Why am I an Asshole?
You talked to him. Why didn’t you show up?
When?
You talked to that Motherfucker on your Unit.
I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Where were you today?
When?
At three o’clock.
In a session at the Family Center.
You were supposed to be with me.
I didn’t know that.
You had three plates at lunch. Three o’clock.
I didn’t know we were doing that today.
Why’d you think I was staring at you during dinner?
I had no idea. I thought you looked upset, but I didn’t know why.
Why didn’t you call me?
You always call me.
So what?
I don’t have the number.
That’s bullshit.
No, it’s not.
That’s an excuse. You should have called me.
Give me the number