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By Root 1224 0

I would have found her, I will not let her say good-bye to me or to her Grandmother or to life. It is all we have and it is not to be wasted. We have wasted too much she and I and the others like us. Wasted far too much. We have to hold on to what we have left. Fight for it. Cherish it. Try to survive it. Try to love it. I would have followed her. I’m going to hold on to her. I will fight for her. Cherish her. Try to survive myself. Try to survive myself so that I can love her. I hold her hands in mine. I keep them warm.

We stand and we start walking. Hand in hand we walk as if we’re normal People living normal lives, in love. Just walking. The Trail leads us along shores of ice through dead yellow grass to the wooden Elevated Walk and up. We stop in the middle and we smoke cigarettes. We stare at the darkness stare across the waters of the Swamp. There is no otter just us. We stare at the water. We are holding each other’s hands. There are no words. None necessary.

We finish smoking start walking back down into the Wood. The circle around the Land of the Clinic is ours and only ours we are completely alone. Just walking. Like normal People. Walking up the grass of the hill we sit on the cold ground at the top looking down at the concrete and steel reminders of our pasts. Halls too bright too white the Halls of Hell for some, purgatory for others, redemption for few. The Buildings are quiet, imposing and well lit. I don’t want to go back. Going back means leaving her hand her body her eyes her lips her pale skin her hair long and black her hair long and black. Going back means leaving her. I don’t want to go.

We lean to the ground holding hands our legs wrapped together. We look toward each other. She smiles and I smile. I speak.

I’m glad you knocked on my window.

I am too.

I wish we could do this every night.

We can.

We have to be careful.

They won’t catch us.

They know we’re doing something.

They won’t catch us.

I hope not.

How are your Parents?

They’re good.

How has it been with them?

Very good.

You’re getting along?

For the first time ever.

Are they being cool?

More than I imagined they could be.

What’s your Dad do?

He’s a Businessman. Works eighteen hours a day and travels a lot.

What’s your Mom do?

Travels with my Dad.

How long have they been married?

Twenty-eight years.

Are they in love?

Very much so.

That’s incredible.

It is.

I want to meet them.

They want to meet you.

You told them about me?

Yes.

What’d you say?

I told them I met a Girl.

What else?

That she was beautiful and that she understood me.

What else?

I pause, smile.

Why are you smiling?

I just am.

What else did you tell them?

I told them I loved her.

She smiles.

What?

I told my Parents I loved her.

She smiles wider.

No you didn’t.

I smile wider.

I did.

You told them you loved me?

Yes.

Tell me.

Is that what you want?

Tell me.

I smile. I stare. I am holding her hand and my legs are wrapped with hers. My eyes are inches away. Inches. From clear water blue in the darkness. They cannot be dimmed even in the darkness they cannot be dimmed. I stare and I smile and I speak.

I love you.

She smiles. With her lips, her teeth, her eyes, her shaking hand. She smiles and I say it again.

I love you.

I say it again.

I love you.

I say it again.

I love you.

And I do. I love her. This Girl who said hello to me as I stood in line for medicine. This Girl with addictions to crack and pills. This Girl who used to sleep with men for money and hitchhiked across the Country on her back. This Girl who has been through things of which she cannot speak. This Girl with nothing. This Girl with nothing but her own strength and a desire to be free. With nothing but a beating heart that is scared to be alone. With nothing but clear blue eyes that see through me and understand me. With nothing but open arms ready to receive me. To stand by me. To walk with me. To love me. I love her. Lilly. The Girl with nothing and everything. Lilly. I love her.

A tear appears. She smiles. She leans forward kisses my lips softly kisses me