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I love you too, James.

Our lips barely touching she whispers.

I love you.

Whispers.

I love you.

We lie together. Smiling and holding on to each other and the night and the moment. We stare into each other’s eyes and softly kiss speaking and saying more with the movement of our lips and the tips of our fingers than words will allow us to say. Words can’t say this. The one word love means too little for what it is. It means everything and that is still not enough. It doesn’t communicate even a fraction of the feelings involved. Love. The word is not enough for what it is. Love. Love.

The Sun starts to rise. Behind us the light streams in thin white and yellow and pink lines. I don’t want to leave. I could lie here and die happy. I could die in this love happy and without the need for anything more. I don’t want to leave. I know by the way Lilly holds me tighter with each moment a little tighter that she does not want to leave. We have no choice. We have to go back.

I pull away and I tell her we have to leave and she says she knows and we kiss one last time slow and deep the clock is ticking. We untangle each other from ourselves and it takes a second and a century and we stand. I hold her hand in my hand I look into her eyes and I stare. I don’t see what I saw when I stared into the Arctic eyes in my final moment of impotence. There is nothing saying go away, I don’t want you. In Lilly’s eyes her beautiful clear water eyes there is what I have sought and never found, wanted and never had, hoped for and never discovered. Love.

I step back and I step away. Our eyes are still locked, our hands still touching. I take another step. Our fingers touch, one finger from each of our hands. I smile again and I speak.

Ever.

She smiles.

Remember that when you feel scared or vulnerable or you don’t think things are going to work out.

She smiles wider.

Ever.

One more step and I’m away our fingers apart. I turn and I start walking down the hill. I want to look back, but if I do I won’t keep going. I know it’s time to return. My wounds aren’t healed and I need to heal them. If I am to survive to live to love completely I need more time just a little more time. If I look back I’ll go back. To her to her arms to the safety and comfort within. It is not time. Not yet.

I reach the bottom of the Hill. I walk across the wide expanse of dead grass in front of the Buildings. I open the sliding-glass door and I step into the Unit. Leonard is doing jumping jacks in the middle of the Lower Level. I ignore him. I turn and I look back through the glass toward the hill. Lilly is still there. Sitting on the ground smoking a cigarette. Staring down at me. The smoke drifts off one hand and she raises it. Holds it in the air. She can see me. I raise one hand and press it against the glass. Hold it. We stare at each other we are too far away to see anything but outlines. It doesn’t matter.

I lower my hand. She lowers her hand. I stand for a moment. I can hear Leonard finishing his jumping jacks behind me. When he does, I step away from the window and I turn around.

Leonard is bent over, his hands on his knees. He is wearing a bright red sweat suit and there are beads of perspiration dripping off his forehead. He looks up at me and speaks.

Hey, Kid.

Hey, Leonard.

How’s your Girl?

I smile.

Very good.

You have a good night?

Yeah.

You in love?

Yeah.

You tell her?

Yeah.

He smiles. Large and wide.

That’s beautiful.

I smile again. Large and wide.

Yeah.

He takes his hands from his knees, stands.

How things been with your Parents?

They’re good.

You getting along?

Yeah, we are.

He smiles.

Good, ’cause you’ll regret it if you fuck this up with them. Family is the most important thing you’ll ever have.

I hear you.

I’m proud of you, Kid. It seems like you’re doing all the right things.

I’m trying.

You keep this up and I’m not gonna have to watch out for you anymore.

I didn’t know I asked you to watch out for me.

Doesn’t matter if you asked me or not. All that matters is that I