A Million Little Pieces - James Frey [152]
I laugh.
I’m gonna go shower, get ready for the day. Meet me here in twenty minutes. We’ll have coffee and get breakfast.
Okay.
He walks away. I walk to my room. I open the door Miles is not here nor is his clarinet nor is the copy of the Tao. I take off my clothes walk to the Bathroom turn on the shower get under the water wash myself. The water is hot, but not too hot. It is comfortable. It feels good.
I turn off the shower step out of it walk to the sink and I brush my teeth and I shave. I look at the scar where there once was a hole. It is pink, lighter than the rest of my skin, it is healing. I look at my nose, there is a slight bump along its ridge, it is healed. I look at the area around and beneath my eyes, the swelling is gone, the yellow fade of damage is gone. There are gray rings beneath but they are from lack of sleep not injury. My eyes have healed. On the outside.
I start to look up at them. The whites are white and lined with the pink run of thin veins. I follow the veins to the edge of the green. It is pale like a faded olive with small dots of brown spread few and far between. I stay at the edge of the green, hold there. I can see into myself and I am comfortable with what I see. It is not too deep. The depths are where reality lives. On the edge there are only flashes of it. I start to move up, move deeper, see more. Moving becomes harder and the edge disappears into the black of a pupil surrounded. The black where all is revealed. I see it for the slightest second, I see the deepest black surrounded by pale green. I look away.
I walk out of the bathroom. I put on my clothes and I leave my Room. Bobby and the man I know but not from where are sitting at a table on the Upper Level. They are staring at me. I ignore them. I get a cup of coffee and I take a sip. It’s hot, it burns my mouth, and it is strong. I feel it immediately. It makes the night and the weariness of a night without sleep disappear. My heart starts beating faster. Even weak drugs make the weariness of a night without sleep disappear.
I turn around. Bobby and the man are still staring at me. I start to walk past them when the man speaks.
You don’t remember me, do you?
I stop and I turn around and I look at him. He is wearing black again. Black sweatpants with white stripes down the sides and a black T-shirt. His hair is short and dirty and spiked, his face is marked with acne scars. His eyes are dull and brown and his arms are lined with purple-black tracks.
No, I don’t.
I told you to remember me, I’m disappointed you don’t.
Sorry.
I hear you’re with Lilly.
Where do you hear that?
Does it matter?
No.
Then don’t ask me.
Where do I know you from?
I met you a few weeks ago.
I was here a few weeks ago.
So was I.
I step forward, stare at the man, search my memory. Although it is dim and obscure, it comes. I remember watching television. I remember him dragging me across the floor. I remember him whispering in my ear. I remember him telling me he could have hurt me. I was drugged and helpless. He could have hurt me.
I remember now.
He smiles.
Good Boy.
Don’t call me that.
You gonna do something if I do?
I might.
After your last performance, I’m real scared.
I step forward.
Try me now.
He smiles.
I’m not here to fight you.
Then what do you want?
To tell you about Lilly.
What do you want to tell me about her?
Some things you should know.
What?
He leans back and smiles and lights a cigarette. I stand and I wait. Bobby is staring at me and smiling like a strangler whose hands have found a neck. I feel a presence near me and I look to my side and I see Leonard standing a few feet away. Although he hasn’t heard the conversation, I can tell by his expression that he knows something unpleasant is about to happen. The man looks at me and he speaks.
I know Lilly from home. She used to run around with my best Buddy and he used to share her. He’d bring her to parties and get her all wasted and put her in a room and let guys fuck her if they gave him drugs. She loved it because