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By Root 1067 0

to talk about it. We talk about Ed’s departure. Ted is near tears. We write down our names and our addresses and our phone numbers on a piece of paper. Only Miles and Leonard have permanent ones. The rest give what we can and hope that they work. We hope that Ed will survive long enough to call. We wish him luck. We tell him everything is going to be okay.

We finish. I have watched for Lilly and she hasn’t come. My friends go to the Lecture, I go to Joanne’s Office. The door is cracked and it is open enough so that I can hear voices. I walk in, my Parents are on the couch, they rise to greet me. We hug each other and we sit down. I say hello to Joanne and she speaks.

There’s been a change of plan.

What?

My Father speaks.

We’re having to leave early.

Why?

Business emergency.

Same thing as yesterday?

Yes.

I look away for a moment and the Fury flares. As has been the case throughout my life, my Father’s job comes first before everything always. I stare at the wall the white wall I do not like it but I cannot change it. The white wall. Nor can I change my Father or his position he has always done the best he could for all of us. Me and my Brother and my Mother. He has always done the best he could and he has given us plenty. He is what he is, he does what he does. I cannot change it and after all they have given me, all they have forgiven me, I can forgive this and accept them leaving early. My Mother speaks.

We’re sorry, James.

Don’t be sorry, Mom.

We wanted to stay for the whole time.

I’m lucky to have Parents willing to come here at all.

She smiles. It is an insecure smile, one looking for validation.

Are you sure?

I nod.

Let’s do what we can with the time we’ve got.

Joanne speaks.

Normally we wouldn’t deal with this right now, but your Parents and I would like to talk about the future.

It’s very bright.

Is that a joke?

Yes and no.

Why yes?

Because I’m going to Prison.

We don’t know that for sure yet, but okay. Why no?

Because I’m starting over and I’m thankful for the chance.

So what do you do when you leave here?

I go and I do my time and I keep to myself. I try to survive and I try to remain human. I get out and I get a job and I see what happens.

How do you stay sober?

I’ll be locked up and I won’t have any money. Shouldn’t be that hard.

You can get drugs in Prison.

Maybe, but I don’t want them.

You think it will be that easy?

I think I’ll have more serious worries than staying sober.

Joanne speaks.

What if you don’t go to Prison?

I’ll move to Chicago and I’ll get a job and I’ll try to be happy.

What about a Halfway House?

No.

Why?

We’ve talked about this already.

Joanne looks at my Parents. My Parents look at each other. My Father speaks.

Don’t you think that type of environment might be good for you?

I don’t believe in Higher Powers and the Twelve Steps or anything related to them, and that is all they teach in Halfway Houses. It’ll be a waste of my time.

My Mother speaks.

If you don’t believe in those things, how are you going to stay sober?

Every time I want to drink or do drugs, I’m going to make the decision not to do them. I’ll keep making that decision until it’s no longer a decision, but a way of life.

What if you can’t do that?

As soon as I get out of here, I’m going to go find a way to test myself, either in the presence of alcohol or drugs or both, to make sure that I can.

Joanne takes a deep breath, shakes her head.

I have been trying to talk James out of this idea. It’s an incredibly risky plan, and the probability of relapse is astronomical. The stakes are way too high.

My Father speaks.

I don’t like the idea either, James.

My Mother speaks.

I don’t either.

No offense to any of you, but this is entirely my decision.

My Father speaks.

What if you relapse?

I won’t.

What if you do?

I won’t.

Why are you so confident?

I just believe, simple as that, and I don’t want to spend the rest of our time together trying to persuade you. Whatever is in the future is in the future and will be handled as necessary. Let’s move on.

My Mother looks at my Father,