A Million Little Pieces - James Frey [160]
I open the door and I sit down and I dial the number. It rings once twice three times it rings. On the fourth ring a woman answers she says the name of Lilly’s Unit. I ask if Lilly is there. The woman asks who is this and I tell her a friend. I hear her drop the receiver. I wait a moment or two a couple of moments pass. I hear the receiver move I hear someone picking it up. I hear her voice. She’s been shattered. Shattered.
What’s wrong?
Where have you been?
I was at the Lecture.
I’ve been trying to call you.
I just got the message.
I need to see you.
What’s wrong?
I need to see you.
Tell me what’s wrong.
She starts to cry.
My Grandma.
What’s wrong?
My Grandma.
What’s wrong with her?
She breaks down and she starts to sob. It is heavy, horrible sobbing, the kind that hurts the body, that comes when the heart is overwhelmed. I can see her. Sitting in the Phone Booth eyes swollen, body shaking, tears running down her face.
I need to see you.
What’s wrong?
My Grandma.
Her voice breaks.
My Grandma’s going to die.
What?
She starts crying again.
I need to see you.
We can’t right now.
Why?
We’ll get caught.
I need to see you.
Wait till it’s dark.
I need to see you now.
What happened with her?
Please.
She’s crying. Crying. I know I shouldn’t go, but the sounds of her tears hurt me wreck me destroy me she’s crying. I know she needs me. It shouldn’t matter what or when or where we are, nothing should matter but her. She needs me. I told myself I would do anything for her. She’s crying and she needs me.
Meet me in the Clearing.
When?
I’ll leave as soon as we hang up.
Okay.
If you’re there before me, just wait. I’m coming as fast as I can.
Okay.
Everything is going to be all right.
It won’t.
It will.
She’s going to die, James.
We’ll get through it. Everything is going to be all right.
I love you.
I love you too.
She hangs up and I hang up. I open the door of the Phone Booth and I step out. The men have gathered on the Lower Level, the chairs are in a semicircle, and Lincoln is preparing to start the afternoon Session. He looks at me and he speaks.
You joining us?
I need to go outside, take a walk.
You think you can just skip things when you want to skip them?
I don’t want to, I need to.
Why?
Because I do.
Answer my question?
I need to go outside. Why is it your business?
Because I’m the Supervisor of this Unit.
Then supervise it. I’m going for a walk.
I open the sliding-glass door and I step outside and I start walking. I don’t pay any attention to my surroundings. I walk quickly I know my way. I don’t want her alone. She needs me.
I step into the Clearing she is there. Eyes swollen. Cheeks stained. Hands shaking. She has been crying for so long that she doesn’t know she’s crying anymore. She’s crying.
She steps forward and I step forward and she’s in my arms and I am holding her. She lays her head on my shoulder and she cries. She shakes. She holds me squeezes me presses herself against me as if I can absorb what she feels as if I can take it away. I can. I can absorb what she gives me take it from her and make it mine and let go of it. I can. I will take it and make it mine. Give it to me. I’ll let go of it. I can let go of it.
I guide her to the ground hold her let her cry. I whisper in her ear it’s okay it’s okay it’s okay. The words are nothing, just simple words, but they calm her down because she has never had someone tell her it’s okay before and she has never believed it. It’s okay it’s okay. I hold her in my arms and she believes me. It’s going be okay.
She calms down and she stops crying. She stays against my shoulder. I speak.
What happened?
She has cancer. It’s in her bones and her blood. There