A Million Little Pieces - James Frey [161]
You found out this morning?
Yes.
How long has she had it?
They found it last week. She was feeling sick, but she thought it would go away. She collapsed at work.
Why didn’t she tell you earlier?
She didn’t want to worry me.
Why’d she tell you this morning?
It’s worse than she thought. She figured the sooner the better.
How long’s she got?
Anywhere from two weeks to six months.
I hold her tighter.
I’m sorry.
She holds me tighter.
She’s all I’ve got.
You’ve got me.
I’m scared.
Don’t be.
What are we going to do?
Get through it.
How?
When I can I’ll come to Chicago and we’ll get a place together and we’ll be fine.
She pulls away slightly and she looks at me.
You’re going to come?
As soon I can.
When you leave here?
No.
Where are you going?
I’m going to Prison.
What?
I’m in some trouble. I’m going to have to go away for a while. I don’t know for how long right now, but as soon as I’m done, I’ll come to Chicago.
What’d you do?
I got in a fight with some Cops and I was drunk and I had some drugs on me.
Why didn’t you tell me?
I didn’t want you to worry until I knew what was happening.
You should have told me.
I know. I’m sorry.
How long will you be away?
I don’t know yet.
You should have told me.
I’m telling you now. I’ll come as soon as I can.
You’re all I’ve got, James. In the whole goddamn world, you’re all I’ve got.
You’ve got yourself.
I wish that were enough, but it’s not.
You may surprise yourself.
I’ve been alone my whole life. I can’t do it anymore.
You’re not going to have to.
She’s dying, James.
Everything is going to be okay.
I hear a noise. I turn toward the green. The noise is louder approaching fast. We start to stand, the noise is louder. Footsteps on leaf and dirt and broken branch we’re tangled and having trouble standing. It’s louder and we’re up. It’s louder and I look at Lilly. Louder and she takes my hand. It’s just outside the Clearing. She kisses me. It’s coming through. She looks me in the eye. It’s through. She says you’re all I’ve got.
The noise stops. I turn around. Lincoln is standing a few feet away from us. He speaks.
Ken took over for me. I thought I’d come see how you’re doing.
I’m doing fine.
No, you’re not. You’re not even close.
Depends on how you think of it.
I think of it according to the Rules of this Institution. You obviously don’t.
No, I don’t.
Let’s go, and not a word while we’re walking back.
I turn to Lilly, who is staring at Lincoln. Her stare is a mixture of defiance and fear and rage. Lincoln stares back at her and he tries to step between us. We are still holding hands and she pushes him away. He grabs her wrist and she holds my hand tighter and she stares at him and she speaks.
I’ll keep my mouth shut, but I’m not letting go.
You’re in no position to be making demands.
It’s not a demand, it’s the way it’s gonna be.
You broke the Rules, now you deal with it.
Fuck you and your Rules, I am dealing with it.
She stares at him and he stares back. I watch her and I am proud of her she breaks my heart I love her. They stare at each other. Her eyes are stronger than she knows. Lincoln can see what I can see she is not letting go of my hand. He can talk all day, try to pull us apart for as long he wants, she is not letting go of my hand.
Follow me.
He turns and he starts pushing through the green and we follow him. We hold hands and we stare straight ahead. Lincoln is moving quickly. He gets to the Trail and he stops and he waits for us. When we’re a few feet behind him, he starts walking again. The Trail leads us back to the green grass separating the Buildings from the Wood. As we get closer, we turn and we stare at each other. There are no words we just stare at each other and with each second Lilly’s eyes soften. They start to tear. I don’t want her to cry I don’t want her to go I don’t want her to be in trouble. I’ll take the blame if necessary they can kick me out and I’ll wait for her and I’ll be fine. She’s crying. Not sobbing just tears down her cheeks more tears. I wish I could take them and make them mine