A Million Little Pieces - James Frey [165]
I said fuck you, you fucking Asshole. She’s not a fucking lesson.
One more remark like that and you’re out of here.
You think I want to stay here now?
If you want to stay sober you will.
I’m not gonna stay in a place where Assholes like you say that their Job is to help People, but when someone needs help most, you deny it to them because they believe in something different than you or need a different kind of help than what you think is right.
Do what you need to do.
I will, and I’m gonna stay clean doing it, if for no other reason than to be able to come back here and show your self-righteous ass that your way isn’t the only way.
Good luck.
Fuck you.
I stand and I leave. I walk through the Unit and I go to my Room. I grab the little book the Tao put on my warmest clothes a sweater two pairs of socks another pair of socks over my hands. It’s cold I can see it through the window. I leave my Room good-bye good-bye good-bye. I walk through the Halls I will never have to see these fucking Halls again fuck you good-bye. I walk through the Reception Area hit the front door I am out of the Clinic. Fuck you and good-bye. I am out.
I start walking. It’s cold and dark, there’s no light and no Moon. I follow the road the one road in the one road out. I see the outlines of trees and the mist of my breath. I hear rocks and gravel crush beneath my feet.
I don’t remember coming in, it was so long ago, but I know this road ends on a larger road. There will be cars on the larger road. I will try to get a ride. Locals will know where I’m from and they won’t pick me up, but Trucks might pick me up or people passing through on their way somewhere else might pick me up. My face is healed. I don’t look like the image of an Alcoholic and a drug Addict and a Criminal anymore. I look normal though I’m not. A Truck might pick me up or someone passing through might pick me up. The locals won’t get near me. They will know what I am.
The road curves away and the last light of the Clinic disappears behind me. It is pitch black and it is quiet and I like it. I have been away from the night and from the darkest darkness for too long. I know them well I am Home now and the feelings of Home and the Fury of Home come back to me. They all come back.
There is noise behind and noise ahead. The noise behind is a Car or Truck coming down the road, coming toward me. The noise ahead is the noise of vehicles moving fast on a long smooth road. I want the noise ahead. That is noise I need. I am through with all that behind me. Fuck you and good-bye.
I start running. I am out of shape and the cold air burns my lungs. I run along the edge of asphalt and the trees, I run as fast as I can knowing the distance I need to cover. It is not far. Not far, but far for me. Each deep breath of the cold black air hurts my lungs. I’m twenty-three. I can hardly run.
I make it to the larger road. The lights of passing vehicles streak across long, wide fields. I know the nearest City is to the west. Lilly is in the City and the west is to the left. I sprint across the road and I turn left and I start walking. I watch for a vehicle and I wait to lift my thumb.
A white Van pulls up at the end of the road leading to the Clinic and flashes its lights. Whoever is in the Van can go fuck themselves. It pulls out and it makes a left and it drives toward me.
As it approaches, the window on the passenger’s side slides down. The Van pulls alongside me and I feel someone staring at me they wait for me to acknowledge them. I don’t. I walk with my eyes fixed and focused. The City is somewhere in front of me. Above the murmur of the engine, I hear a voice.
Hey, Kid. You forgot something.
It is a voice I know, a voice I like, a voice I trust, a voice that held me when I couldn’t stand. I look at the Van and I look through the lowered window. Lincoln is sitting in the passenger’s seat. He is staring at me. Hank is sitting in the driver’s seat. Hank is holding his coat. The coat he lent me the coat I left in my Room. He is smiling at me.
You’re gonna freeze