A Million Little Pieces - James Frey [201]
I turn to her as she comes around the corner of the glass. I smile at her as she walks toward me. I start walking toward her. My heart is beating beating beating. I’m smiling and she’s smiling. She starts walking faster toward me. She’s beautiful so beautiful. Inside and out. I love her. Coming toward me. I love her.
I open my arms. She runs into them, into me. I close them around her close them tight hold her tight as tight as I can hold her. She closes her arms around me. There are no words. There is no noise. There is no one around us. I can feel her heart beating against my chest. I know she can feel my heart beating against her chest. Nothing else matters. Nothing else exists. Just her and me. Her heart and my heart. Her heart and my heart.
I kiss her neck, smell her hair, hold her body she’s so small and thin I hold her body. I can feel her crying on my shoulder silently weeping her tears on her cheek her tears on my shirt. I whisper I love you. I love you. I love you. I whisper I love you into her ear.
She pushes herself away, but not out of my arms. She pushes herself away so that I can see her face and she can see mine. She is smiling and there are tears streaming down her cheeks. Her lower lip is shaking and her eyes are more blue with the wetness contained. I smile at her. I speak.
I love you, Lilly.
I love you, James.
I’m going to miss you.
Where are you going?
I’m leaving in a little while.
Where?
I have to go to Jail in Ohio.
No.
It’s only for a few months. I’m going to write you every day, and I’ll call you whenever I can.
No.
You’ll hear from me every day. In some form, you’ll hear from me. When I’m done, I’m coming to Chicago.
I’m going to be alone.
No, you’re not.
I am.
You’re not.
You promise?
Remember the word.
What word?
Ever.
She smiles.
I like it, that word.
Remember it.
I’ll miss you. I’m going to worry about you.
Worry about getting better. I’ll be fine, and I’ll come to you as soon as I can.
I love you, James.
I love you, Lilly. I love you.
She leans toward me and she closes her eyes. I close my eyes and I let her come. Our lips meet, softly, gently, slowly our lips meet and our arms are tight around each other and everything is good and safe and getting better. In each other’s arms, everything is good and safe. Everything is getting better.
Our lips separate. Our eyes open. I stare into deep water blue. She stares into pale green. I reach up with one hand and draw it down her cheek. As it slides off, I step back. Deep water blue into pale green. I smile. I turn around and I start walking away.
As I walk down the Glass Corridor that will lead me out of here, I know Lilly is standing in the space where I left her and I know she is waiting for me to turn around and say good-bye. I know if I do my heart will break. I know if I do I’ll start crying. I know if I do it will be something I have never done before. Turn around and say good-bye.
The glass ends and the Halls start. I stop and I turn around and I look at Lilly. She is smiling and there are tears rolling down her cheeks. I say I love you, and though I know she can’t hear me, I know she understands. She is smiling and crying. I lift one hand. I hold it in front of my chest and I say good-bye. She nods. I close my hand into a fist and I say get better. She nods. I stand and I stare at her and I smile. She stands and stares at me and she cries. I can see her eyes from here. I am going to miss those eyes. Deep water blue. I am going to miss those eyes.
I turn around, and I walk away, and the light of the glass Hall fades, though the image of Lilly does not. I will hold that image of Lilly beautiful Lilly standing alone and smiling and crying in my heart