A Million Little Pieces - James Frey [23]
Roy told us he was helping you and you went after him without a reason.
Roy’s a fucking liar.
Lincoln speaks.
Watch your mouth.
Fuck you.
What did you say?
I said Fuck You.
WATCH YOUR MOUTH.
FUCK YOU.
Ken speaks.
Calm down, James.
Fuck you too, Ken.
Joanne speaks, looks at Ken and Lincoln.
Would you leave us alone for a while?
Lincoln speaks.
We’re not done yet.
Joanne speaks.
I think it would be best if you left us alone for a little while. We’ll talk as a group again soon.
Lincoln turns and walks out of the Room without a word. Ken looks at me and he speaks.
If you need to talk, I’ll be in my Office.
He follows Lincoln out and he shuts the door and I’m alone with Joanne. She leans against the wall and she closes her eyes and she takes a deep breath and she exhales and I sit on the bed and I watch her and she just sits there and she breathes and I get tired of the silence and the sound of her breathing. I want to be alone and I need to figure out what I’m going to do. I speak.
What do you want?
She opens her eyes.
Just thought I’d sit with you for a few minutes. See if there was anything you wanted to talk about.
There’s nothing.
Okay.
She stands.
Is there anything I can help you with before I leave?
Yeah.
What?
I want to stop taking Librium.
Why?
It makes me crazy, makes me feel like everything is a bad fucking dream. I’d rather have nothing than that shit.
I’ll tell the Nurses to end your cycle.
Thank you.
Anything else?
What am I supposed to do?
Today is another day. Breakfast starts in about ten minutes, then the Lecture. You have an appointment with the Dentist at ten-thirty and need to be back here to meet the Driver at ten o’clock. Just go about your day and if you need to talk about anything, I’m in Room three twelve.
Thank you.
She moves toward the door.
I’ll see you soon?
Maybe.
She leaves and I’m alone and I’m surprised to be here and part of me is relieved and part of me is disappointed and part of me is confused and I don’t know what I’m going to do. I can either leave or stay. I can either leave or stay? Leaving means going back to addiction and facing either death or Jail. Staying means leaving addiction and facing something that is unknown to me. I’m not sure which scares me more. I get up and I open the door and I see I’m in the Medical Unit. I get in line and I start to go about my day and I remember Joanne’s room number. Three twelve.
I take my antibiotics and they go down easier than they have been going down and I walk through the clean bright empty Halls to the Dining Hall. As I enter the glass Corridor I see that I’m late and I see People look up and stare at me and I ignore them and I get a bowl of gray mushy oatmeal and I dump a large pile of sugar on top of it and I find a place at an empty table and I sit down. I know that People are still staring at me and I ignore them. Leonard motions to me and he walks over with two men. The first man is short and thick and wears a black bandana around his head. Long dark hair hangs out of the back of the bandana. He wears jeans and a black T-shirt and has a scar running the length of one of his cheeks. The other man is tall and thin and wears tight black jeans, a black button-down shirt and black cowboy boots. His face is tight and drawn and blue veins stick out from beneath the skin of his arms. Both of the men look violent and angry. Both of them are far more frightening than the average Patient here. Leonard sets his tray down on my table.
Hey, Kid.
Hey.
This is Ed.
He motions to the short man.
And this is Ted.
He motions to the tall man.
The men nod. I nod back.
Mind if we eat with you?
I don’t care.
Leonard sits down.
Thanks.
Ed and Ted follow his lead. Leonard speaks.
Heard you beat Roy’s ass yesterday.
I stare at my oatmeal. I don’t respond.
I hate that Asshole, so don’t worry about me telling anybody anything.
I look up at Leonard. I don’t respond.
Ted speaks. He has a deep southern accent.
You shoulda seen him afterward. He was fucked up. All crying and moaning and screaming and