A Million Little Pieces - James Frey [37]
I start talking to an old friend, an old dear friend. I say hello, how are you, how have you been doing, what’s new. My voice reverberates in the shower and I feel stupid, but I keep talking. I say I miss you, I wish you were here. My friend’s name is Michelle and I haven’t seen or spoken to her in over a decade. I say you have been on my mind lately. I say I may see you soon. I say please be there when I arrive, I’m looking forward to spending some time together. It has been too long. Over a decade. It has been far too long.
I met Michelle when I was twelve and my Family had just moved to a small Town. I had spent my entire life in a big City and the adjustment wasn’t smooth. I didn’t relate to any of the Kids in the Town, they didn’t relate to me. I didn’t lift weights, I hated heavy metal, I thought working on cars was a waste of fucking time. At first I made an effort to fit in, but I couldn’t pretend, and after a few weeks, I stopped trying. I am who I am and they could either like me or hate me. They hated me with a fucking vengeance.
I starting getting taunted, pushed around and beat up. I taunted back, matched every push with a push, every punch thrown with one of my own. Within a month or two I had a reputation. Teachers talked about me, Parents talked about me, the local Cops talked about me. They did not say pleasant things.
I responded by egging their houses, blowing up their mailboxes and vandalizing their cars. I responded by declaring War on them and their Town and by fighting that War with everything inside of me. I didn’t care whether I won or lost, I just wanted to fight. Bring it on, you Motherfuckers, bring everything you’ve got. I’m ready to fucking fight.
Six months into my time there I became friends with a Girl named Michelle. She was popular, beautiful and smart. She played sports and she was a Cheerleader and she got straight A’s. I don’t know why she wanted to be my friend, but she did. It started when she passed me a note in English class. The note said you don’t seem as awful as I hear you are. I passed one back that read: beware, I am as awful as people say and worse. She laughed and I had a friend. She didn’t become my Ally, and I didn’t ask her to or want her to, but she became my friend, and that was more than anyone else was willing to do.
We started talking on the phone, passing notes in class, eating lunch together, riding in the same seat on the Bus. People wondered why she bothered with me and wondered what she saw in me and told her she shouldn’t waste her time with me, but she ignored them. She had too much going for her for anyone to make her suffer for our friendship, so they pretended that it didn’t exist.
Halfway through the Eighth Grade, Michelle got asked out on a date by a Guy in High School. She knew her Parents wouldn’t let her go, so she told them she was going to the movies with me. I had never done anything to them and I had always been pleasant and polite in their presence, so they agreed and they drove us to the Theater. I went inside and I watched the movie with a pint of whiskey and I walked Home by myself when it was over. Michelle got picked up and went on her date. She and the Guy parked and drank beer and as he was driving her back to the Theater, he tried to beat a Train across a set of tracks. His car got hit and Michelle was killed. She was popular, beautiful and smart. She played sports and she was a Cheerleader and she got straight A’s. She was my only friend. She got hit by a Train and killed. She got hit by a fucking Train and killed.
I found out the next day. I got blamed by her Parents and by their friends and by everyone else in that fucking hellhole. If she hadn’t lied and if I hadn’t helped her, it would not have happened. If we hadn’t gone to the Theater, she would not have gone on the date. The Guy was unhurt and was a local football Hero and everyone felt sorry for him. I got taken down to the local Police Station and questioned. That was the way it worked