A Million Little Pieces - James Frey [62]
Who?
We kept a list.
Kirk looks at Julie. Julie pulls a list from her handbag and she hands it to me. I put it in my pocket. Julie speaks.
You’re not gonna look at it?
I’ll look later. I don’t want to waste what time we have left looking at a fucking list.
She laughs, looks at her watch.
It’s getting late.
What time is it?
Three-fifteen.
When are Visiting Hours over?
Bob speaks.
Four.
I chuckle.
What?
I have five and a half hours left.
Kirk speaks.
Until what?
Nothing.
I stand.
Let’s go inside.
They stand and we start walking back to my Unit and my Brother puts his arm around my shoulders and he tells me that he’s proud of me and I laugh and he tells me again and I thank him and we go inside and I show them my Room and introduce them to Warren, who is reading a detective novel in bed. Julie needs to use the rest room so I tell her where the Group Toilets are and she goes to use them. Bob and Kirk and I walk down to the television, where we’ve agreed to meet Julie. We find an empty couch and we sit down and we watch football. I smoke a cigarette. I have five hours and fifteen minutes left.
Julie comes back and she’s carrying a card. She sits down and she hands the card to me and she asks me if I know the guy. I look at it. It reads John Everett, Sexual Ninja, San Francisco and the World.
I hand the card back to her and I ask if he made her uncomfortable or did anything offensive and she laughs.
He was really nervous and he stared at my ass the whole time. It was kind of weird and funny.
Kirk takes the card and he reads it and he laughs and he hands it to Bob who reads it and laughs. Kirk asks if I know the Ninja and I tell him he’s one of my Roommates and Kirk howls and he takes the card back from Bob and he looks at it again and he howls louder. He asks if he can meet the Ninja and I tell him maybe some other time and Julie looks at her watch and says that it’s time to go so we walk through the bright uncomfortable maze of Halls and we find our way to the
Front Entrance and I step outside with them to say good-bye.
Thanks for coming. It means a lot to me.
Julie speaks.
We were worried about you.
I don’t want you to worry about me.
Kirk speaks.
We will anyway.
You shouldn’t.
Bob speaks.
We want you to get better, Buddy.
I know you do.
This place is your only option.
There are others.
What?
I think you know what they are.
Bob puts his hand on my shoulder, stares at me.
Get better. Please get better.
He starts to break and seeing him start to break makes me start to break and I don’t want that. He steps forward and he puts his arms around me and he hugs me and I hug him and it feels good and strong and pure and real. This is my Brother, my Blood, the only thing in this World created from that which I was created from, the Person in this World who knows me best, the Person who would miss me most if I was gone. That he cared enough to come here and that he cares enough to nearly break in front of me means something, but in the end, I know that it means only so much.
We separate and he pushes me in the way that Brothers push each other.
I don’t want you to die, you dumb Little Fucker.
I push him back.
I hear you. Let’s leave it at that.
He nods and he knows me well enough to know that’s all that he’s going to get. I hug Julie and Kirk and I thank them for the gifts and the visit and they tell me they’ll be back next week and they tell me that if I need anything I should call them and I thank them again. They walk toward their car. I go back inside. I walk through bright, uncomfortable Halls. I go back to the Unit.
I arrive and all of the men have gathered on the Lower Level. Leonard is standing on the top of a couch and the Bald Man is standing on the floor next to him waving his arms and they’re trying to quiet the men down. Leonard sees me and he smiles and he looks at his watch and he points at me.
I thought you were gone. You have four hours left.
I laugh.
Come down here, Kid. Join the party.
I walk down and I find a spot against the wall and