A Simples Life_ The Life and Times of Aleksandr Orlov - Aleksandr Orlov [11]
When I inspect screen in IT department it is true. There are all these mongoose brains who are confusing ‘comparethemeerkat.com’ with ‘compare the market.com’. This is terrible threat to my business. And terrible insult to my ancestors.
So I decide that I must teach these mongoose brains out there to know the difference between the two. They don’ t even sound the same! (And that becomes one of my first messages on the televisionmabob.)
SERGEI is in love with computermabobs. This one is vintage Soviet.
CHAPTER The 14
Making of the Movies
EVEN though I have many educational advertisements on television, some peoples still confused. That is why I decided to up the ants and make thrilling and tender sixty-second epic movie films of my ancestors’story: the courageousness journey from Kalahari to Russia; the fearlessness battle against evil mongooses; and the ambitiousness building of a business empire. You have already been amazed by shots from these movie films in first half of this book.
Casting for films was simples. Obviously there was only one meerkat who could play leading role (and it was not going to be Sergei!). I do not want toot my horn, but I think I have set new standard of acting and should have clean sweep at the Oskats next year.
For director, I chose myself also. Telling peoples what to do is one of my favourite hobbies, so job come naturals. I was fortunate to work with such a talented actor as myself, but directing Sergei was like trying to direct a blob of cheese. He is good at computermabob, but cannot act his way out of paper hat.
Telling peoples what to do is one of my favourite hobbies, so job come naturals.
In first film, The Journey of Courageousness, we film escape from Kalahari Desert. I am method actor, so to get into character for desert scene I practise by lying on beach.
When we were on location in Kalahari, limo would often get stuck in sand dune and Sergei would have to dig out. He said I should never have brought limo to desert in first place, but where else was I supposed to chill my beetle juice liqueur?
Many peoples ask me what is my favourite film. Is easy: Titanic, because it is best film ever made. My favourite line in movie is: “Jack, I want you to draw me like one of your French girls” because there is lot of subtext in that. Also I love the bit where Jack and Rose are stand at front of boat and he is spread his arm wide and it is like they fly across ocean on wings of love. I try to re-enact scene with Sergei when I film dramatic ocean sequence in Journey of Courageousness, but he was not keen to do it.
Second part of Orlov Family History Trilogy is The Battle of Fearlessness. It tell story of my Great Granddaddy Vitaly’s victory over the Mongolian mongoose, Mongis Khan.
Film was shot on actual site of battle in the Ural Mountains and features genuine replica uniforms and flags paw-sewn by Sergei. I star as Great Granddaddy Captain Vitaly and Sergei plays his loyal Sergeant.
I created these storyboards for help with filming The Journey of Courageousness . Each frame took three days to draw.
I managed to write, act, direct, produce and get spa treatment all at same time. Sometimes I am amazing myself.
Supporting cast includes brigade of brave meerkat soldiers who I borrow from local burrow and horde of authentic mongooses who I find skulking around bins behind 24-hour grub store. For my fur wound, Sergei make very realistic bloods with tomato sauce, which I later used in sandwich.
For Part the Three we are in Moscow with The Streets of Ambitiousness. Here we are see the beginning of the Orlov family business empire. We film on Petrova Street – originals site of first comparethemeerkat.shop, but we make it look like it is long time ago using costumes and mud.
For role of mischievous Urchinkat twins we cast actual pair of mischievous Urchinkat twins. I think they will go on to be famousness with this incredibles start to their career.
I great enjoyed the process of movie making and, who know, when I have finally compare my last meerkat, maybe I