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By Root 331 0

’t blame him, but it’s hard not to. He wants me to believe the angels made him do it and it’s not his fault. I know in his mind he took the money for a good reason, not intentionally to hurt us but still. I wanted to scream and yell at him like he did to me. I didn’t! I can’t count on him for anything. It’s hard to not be angry with him. I need to work on that. He also yelled at A and made her cry, which he also blamed on the angels.

SEPTEMBER 21, 2006

All Phillip and Nancy do is sleep all day. They want me to think it’s the angels doing it, but when will they start trying to help themselves? I work all day and they sleep. It ridiculous! They were going to tell the psychiatrist about the angels today and how Phillip hears voices, but Phillip says the angels made both him and Nancy so sleepy that they couldn’t drive and tell the doctor. They still went today and all seemed to go okay. Maybe he will get the help he needs now from the psychiatrist.

SEPTEMBER 27, 2006

Felt sad all day today. I feel like everything is hopeless.

NOVEMBER 5, 2006

The angels gave Nancy suicidal thoughts today. Very hard to hear her talking like that. Gives me feelings of hopelessness.

FEBRUARY 21, 2007

I have feelings of hopelessness. I feel like nobody cares. This year has been extremely hard. First, it feels like we aren’t getting anywhere. One of our clients that witnessed Phillip doing his “Can you hear me?” backed out today and took back her signature. Phillip says it’s because the angels worked with her husband and that made her take back her witness. It makes me feel like everyone who believes is going to abandon us. Recently Phillip told us he has been untruthful about the money we make again and he was using it to buy stuff. He wouldn’t tell me what. It makes me feel like I can’t trust him. He says that’s what the angels want. To turn us against each other. It’s so confusing.

I’ve had a few bad dreams lately, too … nothing like before, though. One was about a serial killer coming and killing us all and nobody would ever know.

Phillip says the angels give him terrible dreams, too, he says they make him feel dirty. Nancy has been having a terrible time, too. Lots of bad dreams that Phillip says the angels torture her with.

Sometimes I don’t want to live on a planet that lets such horrible things happen. I will not give up, though.

MARCH 16, 2007

I’ve been feeling very pressured lately. It feels like everything is riding on me doing something. Like when “Can you hear me?” was riding on me hearing it and I could never hear it. Now it’s either send the emails to people who hear voices and people of the church or nothing is going to happen. Why does he put so much pressure on me? Why can’t he make his project happen? I have enough work to do just to keep us surviving.

Affirmation to counteract the negative feelings I have inside.

1. I am a creative, positive, successful, and happy person.

2. I can achieve anything I set my mind on.

3. We will succeed in everything we are trying to accomplish.

4. I am a strong and capable person.

5. We will succeed.

6. I will have a strong and healthy body and mind.

7. Anything and everything is possible with love.

8. Our goals are attainable.

9. It’s easy for me to get up every day and exercise.

10. It’s easy for me to eat healthy.

11. I make it a habit to be happy.

12. I will be more assertive.

13. Today is a glorious day.

14. Every day I work toward my goals.

15. I make every day a positive day.

Favorite Quotes: May 1, 2007

The world turns and the world changes, but one thing does not change. However you disguise it, this thing does not change: the perpetual struggle of Good and Evil.

—T. S. Eliot

What will happen will happen. There is time for miracles until there is no more time, but time has no end.

—Dean Koontz

Hope, love, and faith are all in the waiting.

—Dean Koontz

I said to my soul, be still and wait without hope; for hope would be hope for the wrong thing.

—T. S. Eliot

Places I will go one day

1. Egypt