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A Stolen Life_ A Memoir - Jaycee Dugard [57]

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from that time. I want them to go away forever. I miss her. I would give anything if she could just hold me one more time. Would she let me go again? It’s nights like this I wish for someone to hold me safe. Neo is here and he brings me comfort, I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have him with me.

10 things I want to do

1. Lose weight

2. Do yoga in the morning

3. Write more

4. Learn something new

5. See all the people I care about

6. Learn 2 different languages

7. Learn to paraglide

8. Travel around the world

9. Learn to snorkel

10. See my mom

MARCH 28, 2006

My Dreams for the Future

1. See Mom

2. See Pyramids

3. Ride in a hot-air balloon

4. Learn to drive

5. Swim with dolphins

6. Touch a whale

7. Take a train ride

8. Learn to sail an old-fashioned sailing ship

9. Write a best seller

10. Horseback ride on the beach every day

This is one of the Bible studies Phillip made us sit through:

John 1:1

Wisdom was created before everything.

God represents a way of living one’s life. God holds and stands by wisdom, love, and justice. They are one.

[The]woman is in all of us. She represents our subconscious. She is inside of us always making good and bad decisions. Man represents male and female. The garden or field in the Bible is the inner workings of our minds. God developed man [humans, male and female] through stages in the evolution of our minds. We as humans have not yet awakened from the deep sleep and we have not become one with our inner woman [subconscious]. We have not shed our clothes [bad behavior] and become naked. Living as God [a way of life] our creator intended.

The serpent in the Garden of Eden [our minds] represents our subconscious and our conscious talking to each other. Like the battle sometimes we have within ourselves. Telling us to do something even when you know it’s wrong or has the potential to be wrong or dangerous if you have never had the experience of doing it, how can you ever win the battle? So the woman [Eve in the garden, our subconscious] gave the apple [a new experience] to her husband [our subconscious, Adam]. Our creator knew the only way to develop man so he could one day become like God was to let man learn through experience.

The breath of life our creator breathed into all was the freedom to make choices, good and bad. That’s why he gave us a helper [our subconscious, our inner woman] to be with us through our journey of learning.

From the very beginning we have struggled with the way of God and our minds. The story of Cain and Abel represents the turmoil with us. Cain is the negative input we encounter every day and the consequences of letting those thoughts take over. Abel is what we know is right but don’t always listen to. And when we let Cain [the negative] win, we kill Abel [our sense of what’s right]. But as with all aspects of our life, we have the ability to change and grow and learn from our mistakes. Our inner woman can be good or bad depending on the choices we make in life.

MAY 16, 2006

Favorite Song/Artists

Kelly Clarkson: Behind These Hazel Eyes, Miss Independent, Walk Away

3 Doors Down: Superman Kryptonite, Close to Home

KT Tunstal: Black Horse & the Cherry Tree

Maroon 5

Matchbox 20

Dido: White Flag

Nickleback

Green Day: Boulevard of Broken Dreams

One Republic

5 for Fighting

Jason Mraz: The Remedy

SEPTEMBER 18, 2006

Had a breakdown today. They [the angels] used him to hurt me. Unacceptable! He cut me deep inside, deep damage done will take time to repair. At first all the anger was directed at both of them [Phillip and Nancy], but time makes things clear and blame is in the right place now. I know I will get over it. Love will prevail. I will win!

SEPTEMBER 20, 2006

Found out that he took money from us again. He says the angels made him do it. He never takes responsibility for anything. Even though last time he said it wouldn’t happen again. He still did it. They [the angels] want me to hate him [Phillip] for doing this to us again. I know I shouldn

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