Airel - Aaron Patterson [126]
I became angry with how he was turning my pure love into something it could never be. “I love him! Don’t you get it? It was him, not how he looked or what he said, but him. He is an amazing person! And it’s my choice to love him. Don’t you think I want to forget, to hate him for what he did to me? I want more than anything to erase him from my memories.” I was sobbing now, and I buried my head in my hands and wept.
I looked back on every conversation, every look, every word spoken. The truth of what Kreios was saying came shining through, inevitably. I decided to love him,—yes—but then I had begun to lose myself. I didn’t want to see it, didn’t want to admit he was right. How could this happen? I wanted to drown, to drink in Michael and die consumed by him. But was that real? Was it something I could count on?
Kreios let me cry. He didn’t reach out to comfort me, but sat back with accepting eyes and let me get it all out. It flowed like water through the imagined man I had created, dissolving him into nothing.
“Tears never lie, Airel. What you’re feeling is part of who you are. You are a strong, beautiful, intelligent, loving woman. In you there is more than you can imagine. You don’t need a man to love you to make you special. You are special because you are you. Don’t you see? See and believe you are one of God’s children; that is what makes you special.”
My shoulders shook as I poured out all my hurt, all my love and all my hidden hate for Michael, for myself. A part of me didn’t want to feel; I wanted to shut it off, to run and hide from this overpowering pain. But what would that do? Would it stay buried? Like oil it would always come to the surface.
“I just want it to go away. I can’t live feeling like this.” My voice cracked and I let the wave of thoughts and memories cover me. “Kreios, I need him… I want him… but…”
“You have to let him go, Airel. You have to feel the pain, the hurt, and let him go.” Taking me in his arms, Kreios held me and I cried out of my soul. Never before had I opened up my heart to my own fears and feelings. It was the worst and best experience of my life.
I’m not sure how much time went by, but after it was all over I fell into a deep sleep as Kreios ran his hand through my hair. He was my connection, the one person who understood what it was like and what I was feeling. I don’t know if this will change my life, if I can move on and be strong but I know that I will be fine. I will be okay in the end.
Because I am enough.
Chapter VII
We had a long breakfast. I talked with Kreios about when we could go back home. I blamed it on Kim and how her parents, too, missed her terribly by now. I felt caught between two totally unknowable things: my desire for everything to get back to normal as quickly as possible, and my need to reset and find out how to be who I needed to be from now on.
I asked Kreios about the Seer, and he didn’t really say much. Stan had escaped and Kreios had been worried about me—so he flew straight home to check up on me instead of hunting down the monster. He told me that he would be leaving soon in order to be sure of a few things, wrap up the loose ends. I guessed that meant that we still had to be careful and stay hidden until Kreios could force an end to all of it. I didn’t try to push my luck with him. I knew he would just tell me that I needed more training.
Kim walked into the kitchen around 10:30, changing our conversation and giving Kreios the cue he was looking for to leave. He said he wouldn’t be long, and to stay on the property.
Kim and I had a decently normal conversation, considering everything that had happened. Kim was somebody who could do small talk, and with a vengeance. Once she had got her fill of the usual breakfast fare—except that this food tasted so much better—we decided to take a walk.
We ended up following a trail I hadn’t explored yet, which was nice, because the other ones were haunted for me by Michael’s ghost.
The trail led up