All She Ever Wanted - Barbara Freethy [62]
"I never realized it was your father's death that motivated you to be a doctor. Was that why you chose to work in the ER?"
"Partly. I thought about cardiology and also pediatrics. Those were my first choices, but I realized quickly that I was better at the quick fix than the long-term doctor-patient relationship. As you know, I'm not very good at personal relationships. Emily's death, the breakup of my friendships, my family, you ..." She shook her head helplessly. "All failures. In the ER someone comes in with a problem, I fix it and send them home. Or if I can't fix it, I send them to someone who can."
Cole's gaze never left her face. Natalie didn't like it, wishing he would look away. He was reading between the lines of their conversation, an annoying habit as she recalled.
"In and out," he said. "No messy complications."
"Exactly. They don't get to know me. I don't get to know them. Believe me, they're safer that way. Can we leave, please?"
"Where did you go after you lived here?"
"We moved in with my mom's younger sister, Gail, for a year. Then Gail fell in love with a business executive who didn't want us living with them. Gail chose the big, two-story house in Brentwood over us, not that I could blame her. Mom lost it after dad died. She couldn't hold herself together. She drank. She took sleeping pills. She worked as a waitress or a cashier but could never hold a job longer than a few weeks."
"That must have been rough on you."
"I had to become the mother. We moved in with one of my mom's boyfriends next. He was all right, I guess. He didn't pay much attention to me. At least we had a roof over our heads. That lasted about two years. Then he took off. Mom fell apart again. She hated being alone. It's sad when I think about it."
"But she also pissed you off, because she was weak. And you despise weakness in a person."
"That doesn't make me sound very nice. But yes, I did resent her. I was a kid. I should have been protected, provided for."
"Every kid deserves that," he agreed. "How did you ever get enough money to go to college? I know you worked a couple of jobs, but they couldn't have paid all the bills."
"My grandfather died, and shock of all shocks, he left me fifteen thousand dollars in his will. He'd wanted nothing to do with us before that. I guess he and my mom had some fight over something, and he wrote her off, but apparently he wanted to do something for me after he was gone. If he hadn't left me the money, I probably wouldn't have been able to get through school, even with all the other jobs I was working. I got some scholarships, too, and I still have a lot of loans to pay back, but someday I will, every last one of them." She'd make sure of that. She wouldn't be indebted to anyone. Someday she would be completely free of every tie, every obligation. "Anyway, we can go now. I've seen enough. And you must be bored out of your mind."
He grinned at that. "Natalie, you've been a lot of things to me, but boring isn't one of them. It's interesting to see where you come from. It helps me understand you."
That made her more uneasy. She didn't particularly want to be Cole's focus. Not that she was deluding herself. They were just killing time until Cole could connect with Malone. After that, he would forget all about this little trip down memory lane. Unfortunately, it would probably last a lot longer in her mind.
"Your mother must be proud that you became a doctor," he continued. "You're quite a success story."
Was that admiration she heard in his voice? "I don't know if she's proud, but she believes I'll be able to take care of her. That's really all that matters."
"Does she live alone now?"
"She has a boyfriend who lives with her. I've never met him, but he's answered the phone when I've called."
"You've called?"
"Yes, you're not the only one with a sense of family duty. Despite everything, I can't forget that we're related and that she's my mother. I won't let her starve or get thrown out on the streets. As for a deeper relationship, it's not going to happen." She shook