All She Ever Wanted - Barbara Freethy [63]
"Are you done?"
"That depends on what you're going to say next. I warn you, Cole. You need to back off. You're not my boyfriend, or even my friend for that matter. My personal life is my personal business."
"It doesn't sound like you have a personal life. I'm beginning to understand why. You don't let anyone get close to you. You've built a wall around your feelings. No one will hurt you ever again."
"So what? It's my life. I like it that way."
"It's not healthy."
"And you're the expert on healthy relationships?" she asked in amazement. "Do I need to remind you about the girlfriend who threw the stapler at your head?"
"We're not talking about me. We're talking about you dealing with your past."
"Oh, just shut up," she said in exasperation. "If I've built a wall around my feelings, it's not because of my mother, it's because of you." The words flew out of her mouth and once spoken, they couldn't be taken back. Nor could she seem to stop herself from continuing. He'd pushed her too far, and now he would have to bear the consequences.
"Do you know that you're the first and only man to whom I said the words I love you?" she asked, looking him straight in the eye. "Do you know what it cost me to bare my heart and soul to say those words? And what did you do? You said, That's great, Nat. The next thing I knew you were blowing me off, not returning my calls, avoiding me. I was the stupid girl who'd taken sex far too seriously, wasn't I?" She didn't wait for an answer. "You hurt me, Cole. And I should have told you that a long time ago. If anyone made me cold and hard, it was you."
He stared at her with a grim look on his face. "I'm sorry."
"No, you're not."
"I am sorry," he reiterated. "I am." He gazed into her eyes. "When you said you loved me, you scared the shit out of me. I didn't know how to handle it. I was young and stupid. I didn't know what you wanted from me. I didn't know how to say no to what you wanted, because part of me wanted it, too."
There was truth in his words, a truth she'd never heard before but had known all along. "It doesn't matter. Forget it. None of this has any purpose. It's over and done with."
"It's not though."
"The book and Emily's death have nothing to do with us. We both know we were broken up before she died. We just hadn't formalized it."
"Natalie—" He stopped as his cell phone interrupted their conversation. Checking the number, he swore. "This is not what I need right now."
"Who is it?"
"My father." He shook his head. "I have to answer it. Hello, Dad."
Natalie could hear Cole's father yelling into the phone. He was definitely upset about something.
"I know. I was going to tell you tomorrow night when you got home, but I wanted to get more information," Cole said. "I'm looking into it right now." He listened for a moment. "If you do that, we're going to get more publicity. Let me investigate this on my own. Yes, I know. She didn't do it. I understand, but I still don't think you—" Cole paused. "Dad?" He glared at the phone. "Dammit, he hung up on me."
"What was that about?" Natalie asked. "Or shouldn't I ask?"
Cole slipped the phone back into his pocket. "My father heard about the book. He's still in Europe, but he'll be home tomorrow. In the meantime, he wants me to call the Santa Cruz Police Department and ask them to reopen the case."
That was the last thing she wanted to hear. "Why?"
"He wants them to find Emily's murderer. He wants them to find you."
"Why didn't you tell him you'd already found me?" Natalie asked.
Cole hesitated, then shook his head. "I didn't want to get into it over the phone."
"Do you think the police will reopen the case based on a piece of fiction? Don't they need more evidence than speculation and innuendo?"
"My family has a lot of connections," Cole replied tersely. "I'm sure my father can lean on someone to get something done."
"Great.