All She Ever Wanted - Barbara Freethy [74]
But first ... she needed a friend. It had been a long time since she'd expressed that need to herself. Over the years she'd told herself that relying on anyone was just plain stupidity. Her mother had let her down numerous times, not to mention the other relatives who had passed in and out of her life as quickly as they could. She had to remember that she was fine on her own. She got into trouble only when she let herself care, when she opened herself up—the way she'd done with Emily, Laura, and Madison, and especially with Cole. He'd knocked down her guard wall as if it were made of marshmallows. She'd let him all the way into her life and her heart, and she'd paid a dear price for those few months of love. It had taken her a while to build the wall back up and she'd thought it was strong and impenetrable. Now it was shaking again.
She'd caught a glimpse of the life she used to have with her girlfriends and with Cole, and she was hungering for that life like a woman who'd been on a diet for too long and had suddenly seen a luscious piece of chocolate cake. Just one bite, she told herself, one more conversation or two, that's all she needed. She wasn't going to see Laura just because of friendship; she needed to talk to her about the journal.
Her rationalizations continued all the way down the highway to Laura's house. Natalie considered turning around more than once, but here she was driving through the quiet tree-lined suburban neighborhood of Atherton. She parked in front of Laura's beautiful home, got out of the car, and walked up to the front door. As she raised her hand to the doorbell, she paused, hearing the sound of music coming from inside. It was so sweet, so familiar. Laura was playing the flute.
Natalie had always loved to hear Laura play. It was as if she blew out all her insecurities and doubts and was left with nothing but serenity, peace. And everyone who was listening got caught up in that peace. The music stopped and Natalie rang the bell. The door opened a moment later.
"Natalie," Laura said with a smile. "What a nice surprise."
"I know I should have called first, but there were reporters at the hospital and I had to get away."
"There were reporters where you work? That doesn't sound good. Come on in." She motioned Natalie into the house, shutting the door behind her.
"I heard you playing just now," Natalie said, catching sight of Laura's flute on the coffee table in the living room. She walked into the room and picked it up. "This is the one you had in college, isn't it?"
"Yes, I just started playing again a couple of days ago. I'm definitely rusty."
"You sounded great."
"Really?" Laura asked, an insecure note in her voice. "You're not just saying that? Because you don't have to say that. I haven't played in ten years. I'm sure it wasn't great."
"You were always a natural with the flute. The only classical concerts I ever sat through were ones in college that you insisted we attend."
Laura grinned. "I was trying to get you a little culture."
"I needed it. So why haven't you played all these years?"
Laura took the flute out of Natalie's hand and set it back in its case. "There wasn't time or room in my life for music after Drew and I got together. First there was the wedding. That took most of my senior year to plan. Then we wanted to have kids right away, and Drew was going to law school, and life was crazy. I let it go. It wasn't like I was ever going to have a music career."
"You were good enough to have a career."
"I probably wasn't good enough. But even if I had the talent, I never had the drive. Back then I had it in my head that finding a husband, getting married, and starting a family were what I needed to do."
Natalie nodded, remembering many long discussions on that very subject. They'd tried to slow