All She Ever Wanted - Barbara Freethy [82]
God! He didn't even think the word love was in his vocabulary. Where had that come from? He didn't intend to love anyone in any kind of permanent way. Sex, friendship, that was all he needed, all he wanted. And Natalie would never be content with that. Would she?
Maybe she would. Maybe sex and friendship would fit right into her busy lifestyle. Maybe that's exactly what she would want.
"Cole," Natalie said, interrupting his thoughts, which was probably a good thing, "you haven't said a word in about five minutes. It was a joke, you know, about the 'I'm cold' line."
"I know." He slid her in front of him, wrapped his arms around her waist, and rested his chin on the top of her head as they stared at the island of Alcatraz growing bigger with each passing minute. "Have you ever been on the island?" he asked.
"Never."
"It must have been hell on earth for the inmates who lived there, but it's actually one of the prettiest spots around. There are incredible views from the prisoners' yard."
"So they were doubly tortured," Natalie said. "They could see exactly what they couldn't have. That must have driven them crazy."
Cole was beginning to feel the same way. Being with Natalie, holding her in his arms, breathing in the scent of her skin was making him want her with an almost overwhelming need. He couldn't have her, not just because of their history, but because of their present. His family held her responsible for Emily's death. They would never accept her as his girlfriend, his lover, his ... anything. And he couldn't choose her over them, even if he had the choice, which he didn't. Natalie didn't want him anymore. Sure, there were a few lingering sparks, but that was probably true for any two people who'd once been lovers, especially when that love had been a first love, a powerful love. What the hell was wrong with him? That was three loves in one thought. He was definitely losing it.
"My mother almost went to prison once," Natalie said, surprising him with that abrupt turn in the conversation.
"For what?"
"One of her boyfriends robbed a liquor store. She was in the car, passed out. Fortunately, being that drunk got her off from being an accessory to the crime."
"Where were you at the time?" he asked, feeling a decided dislike for Natalie's mother.
"I was studying in the library after school. I spent hours there. It was a safe place, you know. I knew who I was at school, a good student, someone who could succeed, and I loved the structure. The bells rang every hour. I knew where I had to be, and what I had to do. When I went home, life was a lot more unpredictable."
He planted a tender kiss on the nape of her neck. "I'm sorry," he murmured.
"It's not your fault. I don't even know why I told you that." She paused. "My mother wasn't a bad person. She was just weak and sick. Drinking made everything worse. I don't know why I ever took a drink, Cole. I knew it was wrong. I knew it would ruin me and the people around me. I had firsthand experience." She twisted around in his arms so that she was facing him now. "I thought I could handle it. I could be different. I was stronger than my mother." She shook her head. "But in those moments, I was just as weak. I'll never be that way again."
"I believe you. Everyone makes mistakes."
"That's not what you said before," she reminded him with a sad smile.
"I thought I knew everything back then. I was wrong, too." He pushed a piece of her hair behind her ear and smiled. "Now I know how you got so smart. All that time in the school library."
"I love learning new things, but I'm almost completely done with my education, my