Almost Perfect - Brian Katcher [107]
“Oh, um. I mean, do you feel like a drive? Sage’s sister is coming over.”
Mom opened her mouth, then paused. She hadn’t asked me why Sage was in the hospital or what had gone on between us. Lord, did she ever want to. She never suspected the truth was worse than anything she’d imagined.
“Okay, Logan.”
Mom grabbed her jacket and left the trailer. When I heard her car start, I went running out the door and leaned in through the car window. I had forgotten to tell her something.
“Mom, thanks. Thanks for everything. Thanks for working so hard. Thanks for believing in me. Thanks … just thanks.” I was babbling.
Mom smiled, and I think she blinked away a tear. “I love you too, Logan.” She drove off.
Half an hour later, Tammi rode up on a bike. Wordlessly, I led her into my home.
“This is a nice place, Logan.” She sat down. “Are those your track trophies?”
“Tammi, c’mon.” No small talk, not now.
She sighed. “Right. You want to know where Sage is.”
“She’s not at your house?”
Tammi looked at me with pity. “Logan, my family discussed things. And we all agreed that it would be best for Sage if she didn’t live around here anymore.”
Why couldn’t Tammi just come out and answer me? “What do you mean?”
“Mom and Sage have moved to another city. Dad and I will join them when the school year’s over.”
I suddenly felt very alone. “Back to Joplin?”
“No, out of state. Dad worked out a transfer.”
“Another state? Where she doesn’t know anyone?”
Tammi shrugged. “She doesn’t really know anyone here, except you.”
I looked at Tammi in horror. “So she’s leaving to get away from me?”
Sage’s sister looked at me with surprising anger. “Logan, for once in your life, think about someone else. There’s a psychopath in Columbia who tried to kill her. That’s twenty minutes from here. Do you think she wants to risk seeing him again?”
I tore at my hair. In my mind, Sage’s attacker was a faceless slasher movie monster. I hadn’t really considered he was a real-life guy who Sage might run into again and again. I might have even seen him at that party, maybe even talked to him.
Tammi patted my knee. “Sage needs a fresh start. Mom’s rented an apartment, but we’ll buy a house as soon as we can sell our old one. …”
We were getting off topic. “Tammi, Sage told me … she didn’t want to live as a woman anymore.”
Tammi didn’t answer for a long while, then nodded.
“She’s not still going to do that, is she?”
“It’s her decision. Sage thinks she’ll be better off as a man.”
For the first time in my life, I understood what a panic attack was. “You’ll try to talk her out of it, won’t you? You told her she’s making a huge mistake, right?”
Tammi shook her head. “Sage has to do what she thinks is best.”
I jumped up. “Listen to yourself! Sage tried to commit suicide because she thought she couldn’t live as a woman.”
Her sister didn’t blink. “And someone tried to beat her to death because she did live as a woman.”
“That won’t happen again!”
Tammi folded her arms. “You don’t know that. Look, Sage’s life is her own—not mine, not yours. The best thing anyone can do is let her figure this out for herself. The rest of us have our own reasons for wanting Sage to be a girl or a boy. Especially you.”
I was on the verge of hyperventilating. “Can I call her? Or write to her? Where did she move?”
Tammi stood. “She made me promise I wouldn’t tell you. If Sage wants to hear from you, she has your address.”
“She has a lot more than that.” I lay facedown on the couch feeling utterly alone.
Tammi might have said something. I ignored her, and she left. When Mom returned, I pretended to be asleep.
I had absolutely failed Sage. I could have made her happy. She was so close. Close to being my best friend. Close to being my girlfriend. Close to being a girl.
But close didn’t count.
chapter thirty-seven
THE SCHOOL YEAR SPUTTERED to a close like the dying gasps of a car with no gas. We’d all been so excited about graduation, we didn’t really stop to think what would happen next. For the first time in our lives, we wouldn’t have to listen to teachers.