American Medical Association Family Medical Guide - American Medical Association [313]
The intensity of grief lessens over time, although the amount of time varies from person to person and depends on the closeness of the relationship. Usually after about 6 weeks, grief will slowly be replaced by a more general lack of feeling or depression that will become much less intense after a year or so. By then, most bereaved people have recovered from their loss and have returned, more or less, to their previous life. However, feelings of grief may reappear at unpredictable times in the years that follow.
Coping With Grief
Some people think that no one ever really gets over a death but that we just learn to adapt to the loss. If someone close to you has died, try to acknowledge the loss. Don’t try to forget about the death or put it out of your mind. Talk about the dead person to relatives and friends. Express your feelings openly; cry if it helps.
To help yourself recover from the loss of someone close to you, try to meet new people and continue to engage in your favorite activities. Stay involved with groups or organizations that have been sources of support. Reading books about the grieving process may help you cope. For many people, sorting out the person’s possessions can help them come to terms with the death. For others, the task is very painful and they delay it for as long as possible.
Give yourself time to accept your loss, acknowledge your feelings of grief, and then begin to rebuild your life through positive interests and new relationships. You will begin to think less about your loss and focus more on happy memories of your loved one.
Physical Symptoms of Grief
People tend to forget that there is a physical side to grief as well as an emotional one. Some physical manifestations of grief can include insomnia or sleeping excessively, upset stomach or lost appetite, headache, fatigue, and muscle aches.
Losing sleep and not exercising or eating properly can jeopardize your health. Try to get sufficient sleep and eat regular, nutritious meals. Don’t use medication for depression or sleep loss unless it has been prescribed by your doctor, and never use drugs or alcohol to cope with the stress of losing a loved one. Exercise not only benefits your physical health but also helps relieve depression by releasing hormones called endorphins, which have a pain-relieving and soothing effect on the body.
Coping With the Death of a Child
The death of a child can cause more anger and grief than the death of an adult. We experience extreme distress, partly because we may feel that the child has not experienced enough of life. If the child died suddenly, it is often even more difficult to bear than if the death occurred after a long illness. Professional counseling is almost always necessary for parents, siblings, and other close relatives such as grandparents. Support groups or group therapy with other parents and children who have had similar experiences can be a great comfort.
The Dying Child
A child may be able to face the prospect of his or her own death better than his or her parents can. A child may fear pain and, if admission to the hospital is necessary, separation from his or her parents more than he or she fears death. It will usually help a child come to terms with death if he or she is told about the illness. Death should not be treated as a forbidden subject. The most important thing that parents can give their child is security—physical security by their presence, and emotional security by their loving support.
It is important for a terminally ill child to lead as normal a life as possible for as long as possible. Avoid treating the child in a way that will make him or her feel different from his or her siblings or friends. Discipline the child as you normally would. The child should go to school, do homework, see friends, and participate in normal family activities for as long as possible.
Whenever possible, it is comforting for a terminally ill child to be cared for at home rather than in a hospital, although it