American Medical Association Family Medical Guide - American Medical Association [314]
When a Child Loses a Loved One
Until about age 3, children have no concept of death. By age 9, most children are at least partially able to understand that death is the end of life and is inevitable. Children experience the same feelings about death as adults. However, children should be allowed to grieve in their own way and not be forced to conform to adult ideas about grieving.
Young children often appear to recover from bereavement very quickly, especially if they become attached to a substitute for the person who has died. However, they may be unable to articulate their emotions and may suppress grief because they don’t want to cause any more pain for their grieving parents or other relatives. Some children find relief for their emotions through play, as adults might throw themselves into their work.
Do not suppress your own grief in front of a child in a false attempt to shield the child. It is better to give the child a role model for grieving and for how to cope with trauma. Children often sense unexpressed feelings, which can make them feel even more uneasy. Give the child opportunities to ask questions about death and to express his or her grief. Some children may feel that a death is somehow their fault, and need reassurance that this is not the case.
Some mental health specialists think that not allowing children to attend funerals prevents them from actively participating in the grieving process. Funerals provide a place for children to see how people comfort each other, mourn a loved one, honor a life, and show respect for the deceased. They also give the child an opportunity to say good-bye. In addition, children who have not been allowed to see the body or attend a funeral sometimes imagine far worse things than the reality.
Even if a child appears to show few signs of grief after the death of a close relative, it is best to try to avoid any major changes in the child’s life for about 6 months, if possible. Too much change may be more than the child can handle. Stability and a feeling of security are important to a child who has lost a loved one.
Helping a Person Who Is Grieving
A person who is grieving will need practical help at first (such as help with children, meal preparation, cleaning, and running errands) to continue with his or her daily life. Apart from helping with practical matters, it may seem that there is little real comfort you can offer a person who has lost a spouse or other close family member, or a friend. However, this is not true. Be a good listener. By allowing the person to talk about his or her loss, you provide an outlet for the person’s grief that can be highly beneficial. Let the person cry. When appropriate, share your positive memories of the deceased.
Do not limit your help to only the first few days or weeks after the death. The grieving person will need support throughout the months and years that follow. The first anniversary of a death or the first holiday spent without the person can be an especially difficult time. Try to make sure that the person is not alone at these times. Don’t wait for him or her to call you—a visit or a call from you will be welcome.
In some cases, grief is prolonged or intense and cannot be relieved without help from a mental health professional such as a psychiatrist. Support groups are available for people who are grieving to find comfort in sharing their feelings with others who have had similar experiences. Ask the person’s doctor to recommend a support group. Those most likely to benefit from counseling are people who may have strong feelings of guilt or anger and those who are socially isolated.
PART SIX
Diseases, Disorders, and Other Problems
1
Disorders of the Heart and Circulation
The circulatory system (also called the cardiovascular