American Outlaw - Jesse James [99]
I looked at her, shook my head back and forth, pulse racing, words failing me completely.
——
Despite any misgivings I might have had, I knew that the decision was a done deal. She was pregnant with my kid. I had to try again. No matter how bad Janine had screwed with my trust, I was going to have to get over it, and quick.
“My girl’s back,” I mentioned to Bill, as we began to wrench on a new custom chopper. “She moved all her stuff back into my house.”
“Huh,” he said noncommittally. “How’s that working for you?”
I cranked up the blowtorch and, sighing heavily, dropped my safety goggles over my eyes. “To be honest, I’m kind of relieved.”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah,” I said. “Gives us both a do-over. We got another chance to make things right.”
“Well, remember,” Bill advised, “nobody’s marriage is perfect. But hell, you’re a survivor! I believe in you.” He clapped me on the back. “Now go to war.”
Janine and I circled around each other uneasily for the first few weeks back, like two lions staking out territory. Out of the corners of my eyes, I studied her, just waiting for her to snap and betray me. But to my surprise, Janine stayed calm and levelheaded, even seeming apologetic for her past indiscretions at certain moments. Soon, enough trust had returned to where I felt okay bringing my children back into the house while she was there.
“Janine!” Chandler said, tossing her backpack onto the living room couch. “When did you get back?”
“Hi, sweetheart,” Janine beamed. “It’s so nice to see you!”
“Where did you go?” Chandler asked again, hugging her. “Why weren’t you here for such a long time?”
Janine shot me a glance. “Oh, darling, I was . . . taking a long trip.” She pursed her lips, then rubbed my nine-year-old daughter softly on the back. “I won’t be going away anymore, okay?”
Chandler smiled, pleased. “Do you want to see the drawing I did?”
“Of course I do!”
Janine had it in her to love a child, that much was obvious. Tentatively, I began to envision us redefining ourselves as a couple, from a dysfunctional duo to a husband and wife who were fit to make a stable home for our baby. The reality of the situation was that there was a new life growing in my wife’s belly. In under a year, that life would take shape in Long Beach. She and I were going to spend a great deal of time together learning how to raise it correctly, so we might as well do it together, as a team.
“You know,” I said to Janine, as we were driving to the doctor’s again a week or so later, “I think we’re capable of doing this.”
“Well, finally,” Janine said, smiling. She reached over and took my hand in hers. “I’ve been waiting for you to come around.”
“I’ve been watching you,” I admitted. “And I can see it in your eyes. You want to be a mom so bad.”
“Oh, sweetie, it’s true,” she said proudly. “I just can’t wait.”
We arrived at the hospital and went inside. After a short wait, we met our doctor. She was a friendly, goofy-looking little woman who shortly instructed Janine to disrobe and place her legs in the gynecological stirrups for a pelvic exam.
“Do you need me to leave?” I asked.
“No, you can stay,” the lady doctor said genially, patting a chair for me to sit on. As she turned away from me, I noticed the doctor’s hairstyle. It was business in the front, and nothin’ but a party in the back: a mullet. On a female doctor, no less. How funny was that?
“Now then, have you two decided on a name?”
“Oh, we’ll probably have to mull it over for a while,” I said, winking at Janine.
Janine shot me a dirty look. As she struggled uncomfortably to place her legs in the stirrups, she appeared to be sweating. “My husband’s just trying to be funny,” she said.
The doctor looked confused. “Oh?” she asked.
“Don’t mind me,” I said. “It’s a very important decision. I’m just trying to mull it over in my head.”
We completed the exam without further incident. Then, as we walked out to the car, Janine turned to me and said, “I can’t believe you!”
“What’s the big deal?”
“That whole ‘mull it’ thing? What the fuck were you going on