Amy Inspired - Bethany Pierce [91]
We at Getting Published for Dummies believe that if given the right tools and pointed in the right direction, any and every striving writer can publish their fledgling manuscript to become king of the hill, Oprah Winfrey Show-bound stars. No more late nights wondering if your sorry flesh will amount to anything! No more counting your greasy tips and rejection slips! Turn to page two, buckle up, and kiss anonymity good-bye!
I stared at the blinking cursor. In workshop we frequently complained (with no trifling satisfaction) how everyone we knew wanted to write a book. We were like Americans in summertime Paris, bemoaning the rush of tourists, guilty of the very trespass we found so distasteful. We were in competition, always. We forgot why we’d started the entire journey in the first place.
I couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment when being recognized for my work had begun to matter. There’d been a time when I cared only about the work itself, when I’d have spent hours happily sweating in the corner of an old attic just for the joy of seeing my thoughts materialize on the page. Back then it had been play. As a child I would have recited my tales to a brick wall for the pleasure of storytelling.
When had my being heard become such an imperative?
… If the author has deluded him- or herself into believing that writing is a selfless act of discovery or a vehicle of human communication or the expression of the soul’s deepest longing etc., s/he cannot deny that s/he also hopes the book will become a ticket to the Interesting Life.
It behooves us at this point to define the Interesting Life (IL). For the aspiring novelist, the IL is a vague conglomeration of things, most commonly consisting of flights to great cities (which, to date, the author has only ever seen in pretty night-scape posters), interviews on television talk shows, book signings, and the endowment of a glistening aura/radiant beauty and importance upon his/her person, the kind paparazzi photograph.
The IL is analogous to and interchangeable with the Tragic Life, the Rags to Riches Life, the Inspirational Life and so forth. While it should be noted that each has its identifiable differences, they all spring primarily from the greed of the competitive ego …
I wrote with the rejection letter open on the desk beside me. I debated taking the letter to work and recording it in my blue binder along with the other carefully tabulated rejections.
Instead, I walked to the sink, shoved the letter down the garbage disposal, and chunked the form up.
19
From: gallagham@copenhagen.edu
To: spenceev@copenhagen.edu
Sent: Thursday 4.19.07 12:04 PM
Subject: Final Excerpt
Attachment: Getting Published for Dummies part2
Elements of a Publishable Novel
In alphabetical order
Character: Any person who plays a part in the narrative
Also, what you stand to lose in becoming famous
Climax: The turning point or point of highest interest in the plot
Complication: A problem or host of problems. Example: the apartment in which you are working burns down, your laptop and files smoldering with it. And/or your spouse threatens to file for divorce, on grounds of indecent exposure, i.e. that you are writing about his/her personal life, thereby exposing him/her to public censure and shame.
Crisis: When complications become overwhelming
Denouement: The unraveling or untying of the complexities of a plot. Derives from the Old French denoer, “to untie.” Sprinkle generously in party conversation to impress non-literary acquaintances.
Omniscient: Literally, “all knowing.” The ability of an author or narrator (usually third person) to tell the reader directly about the events that have occurred, are occurring, or will occur in the story, and about the thoughts and feelings of the characters. Also, God.
Plot: Looks like a witch’s hat:
Conclusion: A Happy Ending. Boy gets Girl (or vice versa), protagonist saves the world, and, when novel becomes a success, the author’s Interesting Life